


@realspidey

by angryjane



Series: @realspidey [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Everyone loves spidey, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flash is redeemable, Flash is trying his best, Gen, Peter Parker/ Being Happy, Peter and Shuri are best friends, Peter is a Little Shit, Peter is a Meme, Peter is trying his best, Peter/Shuri but just a prank, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Social Media, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony is a dad, Twitter, Yikes, and so is Peter, or Little Einsteins, owo, somehow this is turning into, spidey is the best avenger, they pull pranks and do memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2019-10-19 17:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 15,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17606027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angryjane/pseuds/angryjane
Summary: January 30th   2:38 amSpidey @realspideyhello twitterJanuary 31st 6:02 amMarissa @marissalovesuhh spiderman is that you?





	1. here we go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [insertfandomjoke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertfandomjoke/gifts).



> Hi! So, this is inspired by a fic by [insertfandomjoke](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16277588) called [Sure,Jan](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16277588) it's 10/10, would recommend to a friend.  
> i know this chapter is short af but i just wanted to establish the fic  
> enjoy!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go!!!!
> 
> this was inspired by [Sure, Jan](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16277588) by [insertfandomjoke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertfandomjoke/pseuds/insertfandomjoke)  
> it's so good i suggest you read it!!!
> 
> edit: the fan art included in this chapter is made by tumblr user poorhumbleblogger!! thank you bb!!!

_January 30th   2:38 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

hello twitter

 

_January 31st 6:02 am_

**Marissa** _@marissaloves_

uhh spiderman is that you?

 

_7:19 am_

**i said whoever threw that** _@urmomsahoe_

Spiderman????

 

_8:26 am_

**Thomas Tankle** _@ThomasTankle_

Did Spiderman just make a twitter? What the fuck?

 

_9:41 am_

**Eric Allison** _@EricAllison_

,,,Sp,,Spidey?

 

_12:04 pm_

**Shalisa** _@leftfield_

SPIDEY? IS THAT YOU?

 

_1:02 pm_

**i crave death** _@sophiabean_

Spidey?! Spidey?! oh my fucking god he fucking dead!

 

_2:56 pm_

**Taco Bell** _@tacobell_

**_@realspidey_** Turn on your location, Spidey. I just want to talk.

 

\-------

 

_January 31st 4:20 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

i'm the real spidey yes i'm the real spidey, spidey please stand up, please stand up

 

_4:22 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@realspidey_** disowned.

 

_4:24 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@tonystark_** but daaaaadddd

 

 

_4:24 pm_

**Marissa** _@marissaloves_

**_@realspidey_** Spiderman I love you

_4:26 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@marissaloves_** i love you too, marissa

 

_4:27 pm_

**Marissa** _@marissaloves_

oh my god

 

_4:31 pm_

**McDonald's** _@McDonalds_

**_@realspidey_** Hello Spider-Man, would you like some chicken nuggets? It's on us.

 

_4:34 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@McDonalds_** uhhhh sure?

 

_4:58 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@McDonalds @tonystark_** look mr.stark! i got free mcdonalds!!!

 

_5:01 pm_

**i crave death** _@sophiabean_

**_@realspidey_** oh my god you're so fucking cute

 

_5:04 pm_

**Adam!** _@adamwesley_

**_@realspidey_** marry me spidey

 

_5:06 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@adamwesley_** he says "do you love me?" i say "only partly" i only love protecting this city i'm sorry

 

_5:07 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@realspidey_** kid, what the fuck?

 

_5:09 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@tonystark_** mr. stark!!! we don't say the fuck word!!!

 

_5:09 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@tonystark_** Language, Tony.

 

_5:10 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@realspidey @steverogers_** or what?

 

_5:11 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@tonystark_** ,,,i'll tell pepper,,,

 

_5:12 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@spidey_** touche

 

\------

 

_February 1st_

_1:47 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

i killed god

 

_1:52 am_

**New York Police Department** _@nypd_

**_@realspidey_** Would you like to report a crime?

 

_1:54 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@nypd_** no thanks

 

_1:56 am_

**New york Police Department** _@nypd_

**_@realspidey_** Alright. :)

 

_2:01 am_

**Elena** _@elenawrites_

what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop me a comment!!! all commenters will get their username used as a twitter username!! (unless of course you ask for it not to be) 
> 
> i have no idea what i'm doing but i try!!!


	2. good morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8:00 am  
> Just A Window @justawindow  
> i've only known him ten minutes but if anything were to happen to him i would kill everyone on this site and then myself
> 
> 8:01 am  
> Ren Loves Spidey @stark_intern  
> @justawindow mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

_February 1st 7:16 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

good morning america!

 

_7:17 am_

**Birb-Bird** _@beautifulbirdie_

good morning spidey!

 

_7:18 am_

**Damn Gay** _@gaypenguins_

finally, some good fucking superheroes

 

_7:18 am_

**It's A Bird It's A Plane It's My Will To Live** _@larasmith_

good morning spiderman!! we love you!!

 

_7:19 am_

**Rebeccasaurus** _@rebeccaisme_

**_@realspidey_** how are you doing today?

 

_7:20 am_

**Pay Your Freaking Taxes** _@iAMtheIRS_

**_@realspidey_** how's it going bb

 

_7:21 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** good morning to you punk

 

_7:22 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda @iAMtheIRS @rebeccaisme_** good morning!!! hi shuri!!!

[lookatthesunriseoutsidestarktower.jpg]

 

_7:23 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** aren't you supposed to be getting ready for school

 

_7:25 am_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** yeah he is.

 

_7:26 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

oh haha gotta go

 

_7:28 am_

**uvutea** _@owowhatsthis_

wait wait so spiderman,,, is in high school?!

 

_7:29 am_

**Diana Lee** _@dianalee_

oh my god he is!!! what school do we think he goes to?

 

_7:30 am_

**ichigohaatsu** _be_the_myth_

uhh what schools are in the area. he's usually in queens, right? so it's gotta be around here

 

_7:31 am_

**Sapphire Demon** _@genzisdead_

there's Stuyvesant High, Bronx High, Townsend Harris High, Pine Street School, CCNY, Bard High

 

_7:33 am_

**Tough Girls Rule The World** _@toughgirlsruletheworld_

**_@genzisdead_** maybe midtown? do we think he's smart?

 

_7:35 am_

**Catbell** _@_ meowforme

**_@toughgirlsruletheworld_** idk he could be??

 

_7:36 am_

**Meme Queen** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@toughgirlsruletheworld @meowforme @genzisdead @realspidey_** yeah, he's smart. he's also a dumbass, but. it be that way.

 

_7:39 am_

**Haaayyyyy** _@HayAnna9421_

oooookay so maybe he goes to midtown? or some other smartypants school?

 

_7:42 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** awww shuri you think i'm smart?? uwu uwu

 

_7:43 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** you're also a dumbass but go off i guess

 

_7:46 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** awww shuri you wound me. i would tell you all about it but i gotta catch the train. bye xoxo

 

_7:51 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** see you later loser

 

_7:58 am_

**xfs** @x_f_s_

their friendship? god tier. i love him already

 

_8:00 am_

**Just A Window** _@justawindow_

i've only known him ten minutes but if anything were to happen to him i would kill everyone on this site and then myself

 

_8:01 am_

**Ren Loves Spidey** _@stark_intern_

**_@justawindow_** mood

 

_8:03 am_

**adorable** _@viviixen_

so did we decide he goes to midtown? cause my sister goes there i'll have her snoop around

 

_8:05 am_

**Aspiring Vampire Widow** _@lenacara_

**_@tonystark_** where does your son go to school? are you a pta dad?

 

_8:07 am_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

i am. not spidey's dad??  


_8:10 am_

**Adam!** _@adamwesley_

**_@tonystark_** really. he called you dad last night. [reciepts.jpg]

 

_8:11 am_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

wow look at that photoshop

 

_8:13 am_

**Bruce Banner** _@brucebanner_

**_@tonystark_** Tony you? Called him his son at the meeting last night?

 

_8:14 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@tonystark @brucebanner_** e x p o s e d

 

_8:15 am_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

why do i associate with you people. fake friends.

 

_8:16 am_

**Dead Inside** _@dumbass_

#irondad

 

_8:17 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

#irondad

 

_8:18 am_

**xfs** @ _x_f_s__

#irondad

 

_8:19 am_

**Haaayyyyy** _@HayAnna9421_

#irondad

 

_8:19 am_

**Ren Loves Spidey** _@stark_intern_

#irondad

 

_8:20 am_

**ichigohaatsu** _be_the_myth_

#irondad

 

_8:21 am_

**Just A Window** _@justawindow_

#irondad

 

_8:21 am_

**oops I did it again** _@toxictimefanfics_

#irondad

 

_8:22 am_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

n,,no

 

_8:23 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

#irondad spread the word, tony stark is spiderman's dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh how is that? i have never once in my life used twitter so like i have no idea what i'm doing but i'm trying!!! 
> 
> if you have ideas or suggestions, shoot me a comment!!!


	3. you are my daaad.. you're my dad! boogie woogie woogie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1:11 pm  
> I Have The Power Of God And Anime On My Side @heaventohell  
> @realspidey Is Iron Man your dad?
> 
> 1:14 pm   
> Spidey @realspidey  
> @heaventohell yeah. i have two dads and five uncles. plus three aunts. and vision. i don't think he counts as an uncle if he has to recharge with a usb port in the living room.

_12:48 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

guys!!!! look at this dog i met!!!!

[goodpupper.jpg]

 

_12:49 pm_

**chikemnugets69** _@chikemnugets69_

**_@realspidey_** what a good doggo!!!

 

_12:51 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@chikemnugets69_** i know!! her name is tess!!! i'm gonna steal her and sneak her into stark tower to live with me!!!

 

_12:53 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

wait wait you're gonna WHAT

 

_12:54 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@tonystark_** nothing mr. stark!!! gotta go!!!!

 

_12:54 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@realspidey_** there better be zero (0) dogs in my tower when i get back from my meetings today

 

_12:55 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@tonystark_** oh hahaha would you look at that the bell just rang see you later

 

_12:55 pm_

**Dead Inside** _@dumbass_

wait did spidey just say he lives in stark tower!?!

 

_12:56 pm_

**Marissa** _@marissaloves_

!!!!!! oh my g o d !!!! #irondad

 

_12:59 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

Spiderman does in fact live in the tower.

 

_1:00 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@steverogers_** steve why would you tell them that

 

_1:01 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@tonystark_** Was it supposed ot be a secret?

 

_1:02 pm_

**Bucky** _@wintersoldier_

**_@steverogers_** i think so

 

_1:02 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

Oops. Sorry, Tony.

 

_1:03 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@steverogers_** it's fine. honestly i'm just surprised you even know how to use twitter. you're fucking ancient

 

_1:04 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@tonystark_** Language, Tony. There are minors on this site.

 

_1:04 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@tonystark_** mr. stark!!! i thought i told you!!! we don't say the fuck word!!! besides, you're ancient too!!!

 

_1:05 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@realspidey_** excuse me?! i am NOT ancient!

 

_1:06 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@tonystark_** sure thing, mr. stark.

 

_1:06 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tony stark_

damn. betrayed by my own child,,,

 

_1:07 pm_

**sqace borks** _@thatsgreat_

**_@tonystark_** so you admit he's your son!?!?!

 

_1:07 pm_

**Shaggy is Our God** _@wholeasssoul_

**_@tonystark_ **so you ARE his dad?? #irondad

 

_1:07 pm_

**Sooooo** _@autumn_belle_

**_@tonystark_** so you are his dad!!! #irondad

 

_1:07 pm_

**Team Iron Dad** _@youaremydad_

**_@tonystark_** holy shit he admits it!!!! #irondad

 

_1:08 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

i am not his Dad

 

_1:09 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@tonystark_** you are my daaad, you're my dad! boogie woogie woogie!!

 

_1:10 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@realspidey_** um??  


_1:11 pm_

**I Have The Power Of God And Anime On My Side** _@heaventohell_

**_@realspidey_** Is Iron Man your dad?

_1:14 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@heaventohell_** yeah. i have two dads and five uncles. plus three aunts. and vision. i don't think he counts as an uncle if he has to recharge with a usb port in the living room.

 

_1:14 pm_

**Bruce Banner** _@brucebanner_

**_@realspidey_** Am I an uncle?

 

_1:15 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@brucebanner_** of course you are dr. banner!!!!

 

_1:19 pm_

**Bucky** _@wintersoldier_

update: Banner is crying.

 

_1:20 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@realspidey_** You said you have two dads? Tony and?

 

_1:21 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@steverogers_** you. duh.

 

_1:24 pm_

**Bucky** _@wintersoldier_

update: now Steve is crying too.

[losers.jpg]

 

_1:25 pm_

**Name Redacted** _@myusualusernamewastaken_

this is so wholesome i'm crying

 

_1:26 pm_

**Bucky** _@wintersoldier_

**_@myusualusernamewastaken_** so are Steve and Banner.

 

_1:26 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@brucebanner @steverogers @tonystark_** no crying allowed!!!

 

_1:27 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@realspidey_** why did you @ me? i never said i was crying!!!

 

_1:28 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@tonystark_** i know you mr.stark you are probably crying.

 

_1:29 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@realspidey_** i most definitely am not. i am a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist; i don't cry.

 

_1:31 pm_

**Nat** _@blackwidow_

[yesheis.jpg]

 

_1:32 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@blackwidow_** fuck you.

 

_1:35 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@tonystark_** Language!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmm what would you guys like to see in the future??? gimme whatcha got!!!


	4. flash is a dick. in this essay i will-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> February 2nd 2:16 pm  
> Flash @flashthompson  
> @realspidey follow me back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short and shitty but here

_February 2nd 2:16 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back

 

_2:34 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back

 

_3:42 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back

 

_4:20 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back

 

_4:58 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back

 

_5:28 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back

 

_6:07 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back

 

_7;46 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back

 

_8:02 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back

 

_8:13 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back

 

_8:14 pm_

**MJ** _@michellejones_

**_@flashthompson_** shut the fuck up flash. stop being so thirsty on main

 

_8:15 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@michellejones_** i'm not thirsty. i just like spiderman. in a bro sort of way

 

_8:16 pm_

**MJ** _@michellejones_

**_@flashthompson_** oh please. everyone knows you're totally gay for spiderman. no one judges you for it just accept it and move on.

 

_8:17 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@michellejones_** i am not gay for spiderman!! i just respect him a lot!!

 

_8:18 pm_

**MJ** _@michelle jones_

**_@flashthompson_** sure, sure.

 

_8:19 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@flashthompson @michellejones_** will you guys stop clogging up my dash

 

_8:21 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@peterparker_** shut up penis, i was talking to spiderman

 

_8:22 pm_

**MJ** _@michellejones_

**_@flashthompson_** no you weren't.

 

_8:24 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@flashthompson_** i agree with this peter guy, you should shut up.

 

_8:24 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_ **oh my god spiderman!! hi!! i'm big fan!!

 

_8:26 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@flashthompson_** yeah. i noticed.

 

_8:27 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** follow me back spidey!!!

 

_8:28 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@flashthompson_** no.

 

_8:29 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** please i'll do anything

 

_8:30 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@flashthompson_** ...anything?

 

_8:30 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@realspidey_** anything

 

_8:30 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@flashthompson_** then perish.

 

_8:31 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

did. did i just get trolled by spiderman.

 

_8:31 pm_

**MJ** _@michellejones_

**_@flashthompson_** you sure did

 

_8:33 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

my crops are flourishing, my pores are cleared, my depression cured

 

_8:33 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@peterparker_** shut the fuck up parker

 

_8:38 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

wait wait wait hold up why the FUCK is spiderman following penis parker???

 

 

_8:39 pm_

**MJ** _@michellejones_

hm.

 

_8:40 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@michellejones_** can it, mj

 

_8:41 pm_

**MJ** _@michelle jones_

**_@peterparker_** didn't say anything

 

_8:42 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@michellejones_** you were thinking it

 

_8:43 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@michellejones @peterparker @realspidey_** no actually why is spidey following peter

 

_8:44 pm_

**MJ** _@michellejones_

**_@flashthompson_** oh so you do know his name

 

_8:46 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@flashthompson_ **because peter is cool.

 

_8:48 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@realspidey @peterparker_** go to bed

 

_8:49 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@tonystark_** it's not even nine???

 

_8:51 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@peterparker_** you need sleep don't you have a physics test tomorrow??

 

_8:52 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

why is tony stark talking to penis parker what the fuuuuuuck

_8:53 pm_

**MJ** _@michellejones_

hm.

 

_8:53_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

oh would you look at the time i have ot go uhhhhh do homework or something bye

 

_8:54 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

goodnight **_@peterparker_**

****

_8:55 pm_

**Queen** _@queen_of_angst_

wtf does stark have ANOTHER kid?? first spidey and now this peter kid??? damn #irondad

 

_8:56 pm_

**Star** _@starrie_skies_

**_@queen_of_angst_** oh my god you're right!!! #irondad

 

_8:56 pm_

**®egret** _@i-regret-nothing-and-everything_

#irondad

 

_8:56 pm_

**F A W N** _@fawnix_

#irondad

 

_8:56 pm_

**Pro** _@profilore_

#irondad

 

_8:57 pm_

**Khalee** _@KhaleesiCrow_

#irondad

 

_8:57 pm_

**david** _@david123456789_

#irondad

 

_9:02 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

well fuck

 

_9:03 pm_

**Nat** _@blackwidow_

**_@tonystark_** [OopsIDidItAgain.jpg]

 

_9:04 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

**_@blackwidow_** have you just been lurking the whole time

 

_9:05 pm_

**Nat** _@blackwidow_

**_@tonystark_** maybe so.

 

_9:07 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@tonystark_** refresh your account real quick pls

 

_9:07 pm_

**Iron Man** _@tonystark_

okay???

 

_9:11 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** HOW?!?!?!?  


_9:12 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

hm

 

_9:12 pm_

**Chrissy** _@chrissyglikesbooks_

**_@realspidey_** i love you

 

_9:13 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@chrissyglikesbooks_** i love you too, stranger

 

_9:14 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** why can't i change it back what did you do?!?!

 

_9:14 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

hmmmmm

 

_9:14 pm_

**Team Iron Dad** _@youaremydad_

**_@daddystark_** wait this (high school? is that what we decided?) kid hacked your account and you, tony stark, self-proclaimed billionaire genius playboy philanthropist and the person with the highest net worth in the world, cannot fix it?? what the fuck???

 

_9:16 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@youaremydad @realspidey_** listen: this kid is the smartest person i've ever met. i made him a suit and he hacked into it within hours. literla hours. and then he?? made it better??

 

_9:17 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** change it back!!!!

 

_9:18 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** no.

 

_9:18 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** why did you do this

 

_9:19 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

you know i had to do it to em.

 

_9:21 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** you're lucky i love you kid

 

_9:22 pm_

**Marissa** _@marissaloves_

#irondad

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know i had to do it to em
> 
> i said this was short but jokes on you i actually just realized that this chapter is twice as long as any previous one so like that's cool 
> 
> i have like eight billion ideas and idk how to incorporate them all!!! this is exciting!!!


	5. questionnaire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4:24 pm  
> Spidey @realspidey  
> alright!!! hit me with those questions!!!

_4:20 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

hey guys i'm bored so who wants to do a q and a???

 

_4:21 pm_

**Oh My Gawd** _@divalocked_

**_@realspidey_** hell yeah!!!

 

_4:22 pm_

**Hilarious** _@crystalshadowstar_

**_@realspidey_** yes!

_4:22 pm_

**Oh na na** _@whatsmyname_

**_@realspidey_** yeah!!! sounds fun!!!!

 

_4:23 pm_

**Why Aren't I Trending** _@cant_think_of_a_f***ing_name_

**_@realspidey_** fuck yeah! let's get this bread!!!

 

_4:24 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

alright!!! hit me with those questions!!!

 

_4:25 pm_

**Warm Vibes** _@sleepinginthestars_

**_@realspidey_** what's your favorite type of candy??

 

_4:26 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@sleepinginthestars_** gummy bears!!!

 

_4:26 pm_

**Boo Bitch** _@im-a-fucking-ghost_

**_@realspidey_** what's your favorite book???

 

_4:28 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@im-a-fucking-ghost_** uhhh probably the great gatsby, or hitchhiker's guide!

 

_4:28 pm_

**I Love It Btw** _@fairlysuccessful_

**_@realspidey_** who's your favorite avenger?

 

_4:29 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@fairlysuccessful_** i love all of the avengers of course!! they're my family!! bitch!!

 

_4:29 pm_

**I Love It Btw** _@fairlysuccessful_

breaking news spidey is the most wholesome avenger,

 

_4:30 pm_

**Snek** _@shes-such-a-snake_

**_@fairlysuccessful_** even more wholesome than thor???

 

_4:30 pm_

**I Love It Btw** _@fairlysuccessful_

**_@shes-such-a-snake_** even more wholesome than thor.

 

_4:31 pm_

**Shitpost** _@thatbidemigirl_

**_@realspidey_** what's your biggest fear??

 

_4:32 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@thatbidemigirl_** oh shit we're getting serious uhhh,,, probably abandonment?? or getting crushed under things?? also spiders.

 

_4:33 pm_

**Shitpost** _@thatbidemigirl_

**_@realspidey_** ignoring all of,, that.... you're afraid of spiders??? But you Are??? Spider?? Man??? Honey???

 

_4:34 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

anything with that many legs is not meant on god's earth

 

_4:34 pm_

**EGGGGGGGGGG** _@annonymous_egg_

**_@realspidey_** best superhero moment?

 

_4:35 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@annonymous_egg_** i once punched cap in the face.

 

_4:35 pm_

**EGGGGGGGGG** _@annonymous_egg_

**_@realspidey_** you.... what?

 

_4:36 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

next question. no time to explain.

 

_4:37 pm_

**Klance Klance Revolution** _@klancelover9000_

**_@realspidey_** ohhhhhkay,,, uh if you could marry anyone in the history of ever, alive or dead, who would it be?

 

_4:39 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@zendaya_ ** 👀

 

_4:40 pm_

**my name is fuck you** _@my-name-is-fuck-you_

**_@realspidey_** what's one thing you have to say to today's young people???

 

_4:41 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

all i have to say to today's young people is WHEN WILL YOU LEARN???! WHEN wiLL yOU LEArN??! tHat YouR AcTIOnS HaVE CONSEQUeNCEs??!!!!

 

_4:43 pm_

**Marissa** _@marissaloves_

**_@realspidey_** fdsjkngmlhmfjndhbs

 

_4:44 pm_

**Adam!** _@adamwesley_

i,,, i can,,t

 

_4:45 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

alrighty then spiderman is going to go take a chill pill and a nap, so say goodbye

 

_4:45 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** you'll never take me alive!!!

 

_4:46 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** kid,,,

 

_4:46 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

okay guys i gotta go!! not at all because my ~~dad~~ team leader told me to!!! it's my own choice!! see you later!!! stay safe!!! stay hydrated!!! drink your respecting women juice!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long!! i spent the last few days barfing my guts out and it sucked!!! also it's snowing here and this is seattle so no one knows what the fuck to do?? its wild.
> 
> anyway tell me what you think!!! uwu uwu i love you!!
> 
> p.s. did you notice that for username i made it a combo of your username on ao3 plus a snippet of what you said?? or how your username made me think of?? that' what's up. 
> 
> all hail the mighty glow cloud.


	6. banananananananananaman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6:36 pm  
> Spidey @realspidey  
> i'm not spiderman,,,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short i wrote it in fifteen (15) minutes 
> 
> this chapter is dedicated to WhatsAnAxolotl for commenting about the banana. bless your heart, my dude.

 

_6:34 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

guys, i've been lying to you.

 

_6:35 pm_

**Avery** _@averycanread_

**_@realspidey_** spidey what do you mean???

 

_6:35 pm_

**hey that's Gay** _@gayfairyqueen_

**_@realspidey_** what's up spidey

 

_6:36 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

i'm not spiderman,,,,, i'm banana boy

 

_6:37 pm_

**Blue** _@blueocean45_

**_@realspidey_** huh?

 

_6:38 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

i'm bananaboy.

 

_6:39 pm_

**gasp** _@Isi1dur_

explain.

 

_6:40 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

bananas contain trace amounts of radioactivity,,, my body contains radioactivity,,,, therefore i am bananaboy,,,,,

 

_6:41 pm_

**cute tho** _@susurra_

well..... shit.

 

_6:42_

**hell** @prodigiousskillandnoconcience

my life has been a lie,,,

 

_6:43 pm_

**EGGGGGGGGG** _@annonymous_egg_

**_@realspidey_** does that mean someone could deepthroat you

 

_6:44 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

STOP RIGHT THERE

 

_6:45 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

i mean,,, i have a dick so that was always possible

 

_6:46 pm_

**Adam!** _@adamwesley_

**_@realspidey_** follow up question: can i deepthroat you

 

_6:47 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

I SAID STOP

 

_6:47 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@adamwesley_** sure

 

_6:48 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

 

_6:49 PM_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** aw you're no fun

 

_6:50 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

ANYWAYS, how's the weather

 

_6:51 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

look at this!!!! [snowing.jpg]

 

_6:52 pm_

**I Love It Btw** _@fairlysuccessful_

**_@realspidey_** where are you??? that looks really high up!

 

_6:53 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@fairlysuccessful_** i'm on top of the Chrysler building

 

_6:53 pm_

**Nat** _@black widow_

**_@realspidey_** wtf kid, get down from there right now.

 

_6:54 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@blackwidow_** but aunt nat i'm being careful!!!!!! see?? [carefulascanbe.jpg]

 

_6:55 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@realspidey_** Kid, that is NOT careful!

 

_6:55 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@steverogers_** then i guess you wouldn't really be happy if you saw what i was doing a few minutes ago

 

_6:56 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** what were you doing

 

_6:56 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** nothing, mr.stark!

 

_6:57 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** tell me or i'll just ask karen to

 

_6:58 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

fine. [videoattaached]

 

_7:00 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@realspidey_** You're gonna give one of us a heart attack! Do NOT do that that is so dangerous!

 

_7:01 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** hey kid?

_7:02 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** uhhhh yeah, mr. stark?

 

_7:03 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** you're grounded.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CALLING ALL ARTISTS: wanna draw something for this fic?? you totally should!!! hmu on tumblr!! 
> 
> want me to add somethin you've thought of?? SUGGESTIONS NEEDED drop me a comment!
> 
> spend more time with your local ghost. he misses you. you never talk anymore. he wonders about you. what you're doing. if you dyed your hair like you'd always wanted to. if you'd read any good books lately. that kind of thing. but also he wants you to hold him.
> 
> hold him.
> 
> he misses you.


	7. valentine's day!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> February 14th 3:21 am  
> Spidey @realspidey  
> hey hey hey happy valentine's day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been so long!! things are hectic!!

_February 14th 3:21 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

hey hey hey happy valentine's day

 

_3:22 am_

**Realistic** _@probablycackling_

**_@realspidey_** happy valentine's day bb!!!

 

_3:23 am_

**banana boy** _@DEVILATWORK_

**_@realspidey_** happy valentine's day spidey!!!

 

_3:23 am_

**boing boing bitch** _@tigertigertigger_

**_@realspidey_** happy valentine's!!!! love you!!!!

 

_3:24 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

for valentine's day, shuri and i gift you guys THIS: [annie r u okay.vid]

 

_3:25 am_

**Seaweed Brain** _@seaweedbrain_

**_@realspidey_** you,,a real superhero,, recreated the vine?? with the princess of wakanda?? spidey?? i'm?? love you???  


_3:25 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@seaweedbrain_** i'm?? love you too???

_3:26 am_

**WHAT THE HELL SPIDEY** _@wedeservebetter_

**_@realspidey_** spidey i hope you know how amazing you are

 

_3:27 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@wedeservebetter_** i'm literally? not. but go off i guess

 

_3:28 am_

**MacBitch** _@macibich_

**_@realspidey_** stop it right now! you are amazing!!! no self-deprecation in this household!! not in my good christian minecraft server!!

 

_3:28 am_

**Ellie** _@ellielaurens_

**_@realspidey_** we love you!!

 

_3:29 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

aww thank you guys

 

_3:29 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** hey loser u okay

 

_3:29 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** hhhhh

 

_3:30 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofowakanda_

**_@realspidey_** come to my lab for hugs??? bitch???

 

_3:30 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** yes please

 

_3:31 am_

**I Love You** _@spiderem_

okay so i /MAY/ be crying

 

_3:32 am_

**Iza** _@izaleana_

**_@spiderem_** mood

 

\--------

 

_9:06 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** [princess and her prince.jpg]

 

_9:07 am_

**i said whoever threw that** _@urmomsahoe_

**_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** y'all are so cute!!!

 

_9:07 am_

**Birb-Bird** _@beautifulbirdie_

**_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** we STAN two legendary meme friends

 

_9:07 am_

**Tough Girls Rule The World** _@toughgirlsruletheworld_

**_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** aww you guys are so cute

 

_9:08 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** sorry to break it up here kiddos but spidey you were supposed to be at school an hour ago.

 

_9:09 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** o,,oh. write em a tardy slip??

 

_9:10 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** fine. get dressed; i'll drive you.

 

_9:10 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** thank you uwu uwu

 

_9:11 am_

**Bucky** _@wintersoldier_

**_@daddystark_** he really does have stark wrapped around his little finger huh

 

_9:12 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@wintersolider_** can it

 

_9:13 am_

**sqace borks** _@thatsgreat_

**_@daddystark_** you're gonna drive him to school??

 

_9:14 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@thatsgreat_** yeah? so?

 

_9:15 am_

**sqace borks** _@thatsgreat_

alright everyone be on the look out for tony stark's car near any high schools in queens

 

_9:16 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

hey wait a minute--

 

_9:16 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** ready to go!!!!

 

_9:16 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** change of plans i'll have happy take you since everyone wants to watch apparently

 

_9:17 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_ **but mr. staaaaaaark

 

_9:17 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_**.....fine.

 

_9:17 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** :) :) :)

 

_9:18 am_

**Bucky** _@wintersoldier_

**_@daddystark_** again, wrapped around his finger

 

_9:19 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@wintersoldier_** bitch--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> got anything to say? drop me a comment! i read each and every one of them and they make my day every time!!
> 
> for the last chapter, tumblr user lesbianglock made this beautiful image of the forbidden moment on the chrysler building 
> 
> have a wonderful day babes!!


	8. buzz buzz bitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> astroanaut @astroanaut  
> @realspidey @BuzzFeed how did this happen. this is devastating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy

_February 17 3:25 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

so i just took a "Which Avenger Are You Quiz?" and i?? didn't get spiderman?? **_@BuzzFeed_** explaIN

 

_3:26 am_

**BuzzFeed** _@BuzzFeed_

**_@realspidey_** This is interesting news to us! Who did you get?

 

_3:26 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@BuzzFeed_** wanda!!!

 

_3:26 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@BuzzFeed_** wanda is cool but i'm?? a different avenger?? in real life?? i think??

 

_3:27 am_

**astroanaut** _@astroanaut_

**_@realspidey @BuzzFeed_** how did this happen. this is devastating

 

_3:27 am_

**BuzzFeed** _@BuzzFeed_

**_@realspidey @astroanaut_** Truly.

 

_3:28 am_

**BuzzFeed** _@BuzzFeed_

**_@realspidey_** The real question is-- Which Avenger Are You Destined To Date? [Take The Quiz!](https://www.buzzfeed.com/keelyflaherty/which-avenger-is-your-soulmate)

 

_3:30 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@BuzzFeed_**.... i got?? myself?? and then i retook it and got shuri?? what is the truth??

 

_3:30 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

why u always lyin,, why u always lyin,,, mmmm **_@BuzzFeed_** stop fucking lying!

 

_3:31 am_

**MacBitch** _@macibich_

**_@realspidey_** marry me?

 

_3:31 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofowakanda_

**_@macibich @realspidey_** wait that's my job

 

_3:32 am_

**In The Night Sky** _@soaring_through_the_stars_

**_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** excuse ME?!

 

_3:32 am_

**can i just say** _@can-i-just-say_

**_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** OWO WHAT"S THIS?!?

 

_3:32am_

**Robin** _@robinskyes_

**_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** you,,,,what

 

_3:33 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

oh yeah i accidentally proposed to **_@shuriofwakanda_** a while back

 

_3:33 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** i love you,,,,,, bitCH. ain't ever gonna stop loving you,,,,,,,,, bITCH

 

_3:34 am_

**Maebe** _@maebe_

**_@shuriofwakanda @realspidey_** is this real?? or some wonderful dream?? if so i never wanna wake up??

 

_3:35 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@maebe @realspidey_** ohhh i FULLY intend on marrying the FUCK out of that boy

 

_3:35 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** <3 <3 <3

 

_3:35 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** <3 <3 <3

 

_3:36 am_

**gasp** _@Isi1dur_

i'm not crying YOu'Re CRyINg

 

_3:36 am_

**God of Mischief** _@LokiOdinson_

**_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** Please Go To Sleep, Children, Or There Will Be Consequences.

 

_3:37 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@LokiOdinson_** yes mr. loki!!! love you goodnight!!

_3:37 am_

**God Of Mischief** _@LokiOdinson_

**_@realspidey_** I Love You Too Now Sleep Or I Will Make You.

 

_3:37 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@LokiOdinson_** i'm all the way in wakanda so you can't make ME go to sleep bitch

 

_3:37 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@LokiOdinson @realspidey_** hahahaha losers. i'll never go to bedfgjihklgljh

 

_3:43 am_

**God Of Mischief** _@LokiOdinson_

She Is Sleeping Now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey uhhh does anyone know what the actual ship name for Peter/Shuri is?? i can't find it,,, the internet has failed me,,, send help,,,,
> 
> anyway it's gon happen in this fic itches so i hope you like a memey power couple :)
> 
> have a wonderful day/ night/ eternity!! drink your Respecting Women and Non-binary friends Juice and make sure to scatter ashes in my hair. 
> 
> WHO DID THIS TO YOU? I WILL DESTROY THEIR BOWELS


	9. it b e g i n s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6:32 pm  
> Celebrity News @CelebNews  
> Princess Shuri has been spotted in the Queens area of New York with a boy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh fuck y'all aren't even r e a d y for what's about to go down these next few chapters   
> p r e p a r e yourselves

_February 17th 6:07 pm_

**Celebrity Gossip** _@celebritygossip_

Today at 5:36 pm, this **photo** was taken in the Queens area of Wakandan Princess Shuri with an unknown boy.

 

_6:08 pm_

**Celebrity Gossip** _@celebritygossip_

**_@celebritygossip_** The boy appears to be in his teens, around the Princess's age, with brown hair and pale skin. Princess Shuri arrived earlier this morning at Stark tower on Avengers business.

 

_6:09 pm_

**Celebrity Gossip** _@celebritygossip_

**_@celebritygossip_** Who is this boy? What is his relationship to the Princess?

 

_6:20 pm_

**BuzzFeed News** _@BuzzFeedNews_

Earlier this evening, Princess Shuri of Wakanda was spotted with a new boy! Who is the Princess's new boytoy?

 

_6:32 pm_

**Celebrity News** _@CelebNews_

Princess Shuri has been spotted in the Queens area of New York with a boy! [Who Is He.jpg]

 

_6:46 pm_

**E! News** _@enews_

Who is Princess Shuri's new boyfriend? The Wakandan royalty was seen earlier this evening with a new boy. The two seemed very cozy and comfortable in the park, laughing in **this photo**.

 

_6:58 pm_

**Daily Bugle** _@TheDailyBugle_

Princess Shuri, despite announcing her supposed engagement to local nuisance Spider-Man, has been spotted in the Queens area with a mystery boy.

 

_6:59 pm_

**Daily Bugle** _@TheDailyBugle_

**_@TheDailyBugle_** Spider-Man is a fiend and a villain. No wonder the Wakandan princess dropped him. The real question is who is this boy?

 

_7:03 pm_

**Meme Team™** _@Purple_Space_Cats_

oh no oh no what happened to PrincessSpidey

 

_7:04 pm_

**Alexandra** _@alexandrailoveyousomuch_

**_@purple_space_cats_** is that what we're calling it now?

 

_7:04 pm_

**this is LUNA'S banana do not toUCH** _@lunasbanana_

i like the new name; let's keep it

 

_7:05 pm_

**unfiniSHED** _@BaneOfHeroes77_

now that that's sorted, back to the matter at hand-- who the fUCK is this punK?

 

_7:06 pm_

**rainbowspacedust.jpg** _@inshadowsoflove_

i mean,,, he's kinda cute tho,,,

 

_7:07 pm_

**Space QUEEN** _@I-LOVE-YOU-SPACE-QUEEN-THANK-YOU-FOR-YOUR-SUPPORT_

i gotta say, shuri does have good taste in boys, you gotta give her that

 

_7:08 pm_

**Adam!** _@adamwesley_

**_@I-LOVE-YOU-SPACE-QUEEN-DID-YOU-H E A R-ME_** no printer, just fax

 

_7:08 PM_

**liaada** _@liaada_

**_@adamwesley_** yeah but shuri and spidey are a power couple. in this essay i will--

 

_7:08 pm_

**Doctorate in Dipshittery** _@DrEmpen_

**_@liaada_** op where's the essay

 

_7:09 pm_

**< 3 <3 <3 ** _@ashcg_

okay okay but who iS HE?!

 

_7:10 pm_

**S A N D** _@SandyVerse_

he looks like he's what? sixteen? seventeen? all we see is him and shuri laughing, he's in a hoodie, jeans, brown hair, what else? there's not really anything super identifiable here....

 

_7:11 pm_

**akskjdhsjla** _@thexploress_

**_@SandyVerse_** the reports all say it's in queens, and he looks high school age. schools in queens???

 

_7:12 pm_

**Natashaaaaaa** _@NatashaFucksShitUp_

**_@thexploress_** good point!! i go to pine street school in queens, i'll scour my yearbook for his face!!! anyone else in queens area high schools???

 

_7:12 pm_

**Scarlet** _@ScarletNightFury_

**_@thexploress @NatashaFucksShitUp_** i'm at bronx high, i'll look into it!!!

 

_7:13 pm_

**I Can Fucking Fly** _@BrandNewWings_

**_@thexploress @NatashaFucksShitUp @ScarletNightFury_** i'll check at townsend harris

 

_7:13 pm_

**the knights who say ne** _@neifz_

**_@thexplores @NatashaFucksShitUp @ScarletNightFury_** i'll take care of bard high!!! also i have a friend **_@nedleeds_** who's at midtown!!!

 

_7:14 pm_

**Ned** _@nedleeds_

o h s h i t

****

\------

 

            "This is bad."

            Shuri looked up from her game to see Peter in her room. Which wasn't out of the ordinary-- he was always there. Except right now he looked like he was on the verge of panic.

            "What's bad?" She asked, putting a pause on kicking some Nintendo ass. Her friend was distressed, Smash could wait.

            "Did you see this?" He pulled something up on his phone before handing it to her. It was a twitter thread, with a picture attached of.... the two of them. Shit.

            "How did they get that?"

            "It's New York, Shuri, everyone is looking at everyone." Peter sighed, falling onto the bed beside her.

            "But why are they taking pictures? And why do they care who I'm spending time with?" She dropped his phone onto his chest, eliciting an _oof._

            "Uh, because you're a beautiful genius princess, remember?" He laughed, "Or did you forget?"

            Ignoring the stupid butterflies at the ease with which he dropped the compliment, Shuri instead glared at Peter, but he wasn't really looking. His eyes were closed, and he was smiling a little. She smirked, reaching over to jab him in his unsuspecting side. He flinched, curling into a ball and rolling off the bed. His head made a painful thunk on the way down.

            "All those Spidey senses, yet I can take you down with one finger." She made a faux-sigh, "Guess you're aren't my prince in shining armor after all, Peter."

            "It's knight, Shuri. Knight in shining armor. And I still can be." He shrugged, grinning, as he climbed back onto the bed. "But what's important right now is _what are we gonna do about this?_ " He waved a hand at his phone, which lay discarded on the mattress.

            That was gonna be a... problem. A problem she had no idea what to do about.

            Unless....

            Shuri grinned.

            "I have a terrible idea."

 

\------

 

_8:51 pm_

**Ellie** _@ellielaurens_

**_@realspidey_** someone's trying to steal your fiancée!

 

_10:01 pm_

**Ellie** _@ellielaurens_

..... ** _@realspdey??_**

****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'alls wonderful comments give me life!!! i love hearing all the ideas you have!! i try to work em in if i can!!! 
> 
> anyway be afraid for what's to come
> 
> have a nice day and rob your local government. 
> 
> the poor can't go hungry if they are eating the rich.


	10. everyone is thirsty for peter on main, and let's be real, who isn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8:51 pm  
> The Daily Bugle @thedailybugle  
> The princess of Wakanda has tweeted a photo of her with her boyfriend, Peter Parker, a promising high school student from Queens. More in tomorrow's paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry
> 
> (the part after it says "Messages" where it's formatted as zzz > xxx is texting. like on a phone. so if it says "zzz > xxx" it's person zzz sending the message to person xxx. dunno if it's clear or not so i thought i'd clarify.)

_February 20 8:16 pm_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@peterparker_** out on the town with bae [myboyfriend.jpg]

 

_8:16 pm_

**literal princess don't even test me** _@princessfaeron_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** hey what the fuck

 

_8:17 pm_

**let there be p u n c h** _@FantasyPunchPunk_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** wait what about spidey

 

_8:17 pm_

**don Don DONNNNNN** _@donkoogrr_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** what about spidey?!?  


_8:17 pm_

**press f to pay respects** _@F_friend_

**_@realspidey_** u see this???  


_8:18 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

_@ **shuriofwakanda**_ y'all are cute together. that could be us but you playin...

 

_8:18 pm_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** jealous?? why don't you come join us??

 

_8:19 pm_

**royalty** _@royaldork_

w h a t

 

_8:19 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** mm i'd rather have you all to myself :(

 

_8:20 pm_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** you know i still love you

 

_8:21 pm_

**Adam!** _@adamwesley_

**_@realspidey @shurifwakanda_** what the fuck is going on

 

_8:21 pm_

**outstanding mood** _@DisasterFartist_

**_@shuriofwakanda @realspidey_** hey what

 

_8:21 pm_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

what is confusing here

 

_8:22 pm_

**Adam!** _@adamwesley_

**_@shuriofwakanda_ **we all thought you were engaged to **_@realspidey_** ??

 

_8:22 pm_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

i am

 

_8:23 pm_

**LISTEN** _@she-can't-hear-you_

america exPLAIN

 

_8:24 pm_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

hm.

 

\--------

 

_8:47 pm_

**Celebrity News** _@celebritynews_

It seems the Princess of Wakanda has revealed she has a boyfriend! At 8:16 today, she tweeted a picture of her and the boy she was seen with just last weekend, tagging Peter Parker, a student at Midtown School Of Science and Technology. [image.attached]

 

_8:51 pm_

**The Daily Bugle** _@thedailybugle_

The princess of Wakanda has tweeted a photo of her with her boyfriend, Peter Parker, a promising high school student from Queens. More in tomorrow's paper.

 

_8:52 pm_

**Celebrity Daily** _@celebritydaily_

Who is Princess Shuri's new boyfrened? His name is Peter Parker, he's the top of his class at Midtown School of Science and technology, and he's adorable! Just look at the two of them! [image.attached]

 

\---------

 

**Messages**

_[8:54 pm]_ **Tony Stark > Shuri**

hey excuse me but what the fuck did you do

 

_[8:54 pm]_ **Shuri > Tony Stark**

i have no idea what you're talking about, stark

 

_[8:54 pm]_ **Tony Stark > Shuri**

bullshit

 

_[8:55 pm]_ **Shuri > Tony Stark**

maybe so.

 

**Messages**

_[8:56 pm]_ **Tony Stark > Peter**

kid did you check twitter

 

_[8:56 pm]_ **Peter > Tony Stark**

yeah

 

_[8:57 pm]_ **Tony Stark > Peter**

and you're okay with it?

 

_[8:57 pm]_ **Peter > Tony Stark**

yeah. i mean, she did ask me first.

 

_[8:57 pm]_ **Peter > Tony Stark**

besides, it'll be fun

 

_[8:58 pm]_ **Tony Stark > Peter**

fun? what part of this will be fun??

 

_[8:58 pm]_ **Peter > Tony Stark**

it'll be fun to watch them flounder until they figure it out

 

_[8:59 pm]_ **Tony Stark > Peter**

are you sure you're cool with this? if you aren't that's fine you know

 

_[9:00 pm}_ **Peter > Tony Stark**

yeah, mr.stark. it's cool

 

\-------

 

_9:02 pm_

**naruto's left boob** _@kimmyfitzparick_

okay i just spent the last hour stalking this peter kid and lemme be the first to say **_@shuriofwakanda_** , you have impeccable taste honey

 

_9:02 pm_

**king of the crotch** _@DannyJacobs1999_

**_@kimmyfitzpatrick_** no printer, just fax

 

_9:03 pm_

**Lenny :)** _@lenina_smith-harolds_

**_@DannyJacobs1999 @kimmyfitzpatrick_** and he's smart too! brains are sexy!!!

 

_9:04 pm_

**betty brant baybee** _@bettybrant02_

**_@lenina_spith-harolds @dannyJacobs1999 @kimmyfitzpatrick_** he goes to my school and i've known him since middle school, i can in fact confirm that he is amazing inside and out

 

_9:04 pm_

**eyes emoji** _@bighairbitch_

this just in: **_@peterparker_** could step on me and i'd thank him

 

_9:05 pm_

**take me home, country roads** _@oh_hi_mark_

**_@peterparker_** could spit in my mouth

 

_9:05 pm_

**Library Card** _@NewYearNewBook_

**_@peterparker_** is my new favorite person

 

_9:06 pm_

**Life is like a box of WEED** _@420whatyoucrying_

**_@peterparker_** looks like a cute lil nerd tho

 

_9:07 pm_

**Spiderman If You're Reading This Please Marry Me** _@spideyfan32456_

**_@peterparker_** could raw me any day

_9:08 pm_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@spideyfan32456_** mood

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment please! 
> 
> have a nice day


	11. [airhorn sound here]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 5:08 pm  
> Dance Dance Dance @littlefishboi  
> @realspidey explain
> 
> 5:09 pm  
> Spidey @realspidey  
> hm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heya! y'all were commenting so fast i decided you'd earned another chapter!!  
> two chapters in one night? it's more likely than you think.

_February 21 4:20_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

[video attached]

 

[ _the video opens on a blank screen with the date printed in white lettering: February 21st, 2019._

_cut to Tony Stark sitting on an expensive-looking couch, brooding._

_"Why did I agree to this again?" he asks, arms crossed over his chest._

_"Because you love me." a voice says from behind the camera. the voice is young and male._

_"Unfortunately."_

_"Just go."_

_Tony looks down at the smartphone cradled in his lap. he sighs. "Today, at Peter's insistence, I am reading some tweets he's been receiving." another sigh. "the first one is from @R-o-s-y_R-o-S-y_C-h-e-e-k-s, screen name 'Brooklyn.'"_

_"Mr. Stark, you don't have to spell the @, just say it."_

_"You're not the boss of me. Technically, I am your boss though, so why am I even listening to you?" Tony continues, "User 'Brooklyn' says: 'Peter Parker is the man of my dreams.' Alright. that's not so bad. Next one, from user 'tisIzzy' says: 'Peter Parker seems like such a good kid.'" Tony looks up at the camera, and smiles. "That's true. "User 'odetonyama' says," Tony pauses, as if preparing himself, "they say: 'Peter Parker could murder me and i'd thank him.' Why would you want to be murdered?"_

_"Because our entire generation is depressed. thank u, NEXT." Peter says from behind the camera._

_Tony sighs. he glances back at the phone and his nose scrunches. he stays silent._

_"Mr. Stark, keep going."_

_"Why do you want me to read this?"_

_"Cause Shuri suggested it."_

_"You do everything Shuri suggests?"_

_"Do you do everything Pepper suggests?"_

_Tony is silent, then sighs a third time. "Touché." he reads: "User 'whateveriscatchy' says: 'horny for peter parker on main'" he pretends to gag._

_"Oh come on, Mr. Stark, it's not that bad. There are worse ones."_

_"There are? oh god--"_

_"Just keep going!" Peter is laughing. the camera shakes._

_"Fine, fine. But you owe me." Tony looks at the phone again. "User 'ItsJacky' says: 'peter parker i will pay you to raw me have toy ever considered prostitution'" Tony drops the phone on the couch beside him and stands up, "No no no nope, this is over, no more."_

_Peter is laughing behind the camera, but manages to choke out, "You promised you'd read them all!"_

_"That was before I knew they were thirst tweets!"_

_"Please Mr. Stark?"_

_Tony looks beyond the camera, presumably at Peter, and it is visible the moment his resolve crumbles._

_"Fine, but you really owe me now." he site back down and resumes reading the tweets. " 'theghostking44' says: 'peter parker could convert my vagina into a storage facility for his antique stopwatch collection if that's what he wanted to do with it.'" Tony looks into the camera, eyes dead, "What the fuck is wrong with you people."_

_Peter is laughing, the camera shaking with him._

_"User 'thomas_jefferpusssy' says: 'i'm not really into that kinky shit but i'd call peter parker daddy if he asked.'" Tony looks up at the camera, "I just lost ten years off my life. I hope you're happy."_

_"User: 'thanos's-purle-dick' very creative name, i must say, says: '@peterparker fuck me so hard i die.' It should be noted that this is in all caps." He looks pained. "Can this be over now? Is it over? When is it over?"_

_"How many are left?"_

_Tony scrolls a little bit before replying, "A lot."_

_"Then I guess it's not over."_

_"You're the worst."_

_"These people don't seem to think so."_

_The video goes on for a duration of 16:32.]_

_4:58 pm_

**Actual Lemon Not Even Joking** _@lemonMAAANNNNNN_

i'm crying

 

_5:02 pm_

**KingQueen** _@queenking_

lmaooooooooo

 

_5:06 pm_

**Fuck You. And Your Little Dog Too.** _@scoobydoocankillyou_

hey wait why did spiderman post a video with peter parker in it

 

_5:07 pm_

**Maureen** _@maureenkelly_

**_@scoobydoocankillyou_** oh shit you're right

 

_5:08 pm_

**Dance Dance Dance** _@littlefishboi_

**_@realspidey_** explain

 

_5:09 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

hm.

 

\---------

 

_3:17 am_

**Loser** _@karlahammers_

OH SHIT  


_3:17 am_

**Loser** _@karlahammers_

**_@karlahammers_ **OH SH I T

_3:18 am_

**Loser** _@karlahammers_

**_@karlahammers_** GU Y S I GO t IT  


_3:19 am_

**Cookie Coochie** _@summerpatterson_

**_@karlahammers_** what.

 

_3:19 am_

**Loser** _@karlahammers_

**_@summerpatterson_** spidey stays in queens he says gen z stuff he knows tony stark and calls him mr. stark

 

_3:20 am_

**Loser** _@karlahammers_

**_@karlahammers_** peter knows the princess of wakanda is gen z and knows tony stark and calls him mr. stark

 

_3:21 am_

**Loser** _@karlahammers_

**_@karlahamers_** spidey posted a video of peter parker because he IS PETER PARKER OH MY G O D

 

_3:22 am_

**Cookie Coochie** _@summerpatterson_

**_@karlahammers_** o,,oh

 

\-------

 

[The shot opens on a man, around his mid twenties, sitting on the bed in a messy bedroom. He had blond hair and wears a t-shirt that says "Sarcastic Comment Loading."

"Hey guys! It's me, HarperGames! I hope you all are well since my last video!

"Today we'll be talking about something a little out of the ordinary for this channel: Spider-Man. Now, for those of you who aren't superhero-savvy or live outside of the New York area, Spider-Man is a vigilante who frequents the Queens neighborhood of NYC. He has recently started a twitter account, and the internet quickly fell in love with him. He is, after all, adorable.

"However, what we are going to talk about today is not his hero work, but rather his possible identity leak. Well, maybe not _leak_ , per se, as it seems more or less intentional.

"On Sunday, Princess Shuri of Wakanda was seen in the Queens area with an unknown boy her age. He had brown hair and a science t-shirt, and that's all anyone really knew. "

The image fills the screen, replacing his face.

"They're pretty cute together, aren't they?

"Following the leak of the picture, there was wild speculation about this mysterious boy and his connection to the Princess. Many were calling him her boyfriend. They do in fact seem close in the photo. However, there was no concrete evidence about these theories.

"Until now. On Wednesday at eight at night, the Princess herself tweeted a picture of her and the same boy, labelled "My Boyfriend" and tagged one Peter Parker. Since then, the internet has gone wild. Peter parker was verified by Twitter only hours after the photo was taken, and his follower number is rising steadily."

He grins.

"Okay, but what does this have to do with Spidey, you may ask. I'll tell you.

"Yesterday at 4:20 pm, yes it was 4:20, because Spidey has taste, Spider-Man tweets a sixteen-minute video of Tony Stark reading the hoards of thirst tweets about Peter Parker. While this is hilarious, it was also a point of confusion for many.

"Adamant Tony Stark stans will know that a while back he went on a twitter thread with Spidey and Peter Parker himself, letting slip that he had a father-like relationship with both Spiderman and Peter Parker.

"That's all well and good, of course, but the interesting part is this: the video that Spidey posted was of Tony reading about _Peter_. Time suggests that the two know each other, based on the past thread with Tony and interactions with Shuri and each other in the past. There was also a time a while back in which one Flash Thompson, stupid name, tried to get Spidey to follow him and got pissy upon learning that Spidey was following Peter, who Flash apparently knows This was funny, because this Flash guy seems like a dick.

"Anyways, why was Spidey tweeting a thirst tweet video about Peter? It is important to note as well that the video was filmed by Peter himself as well.

"One Twitter user called Spdiey out on it, asking why it was, and Spidey simply responded with a two-lettered, 'hm.'

"That's not suspicious at _all_.

"Then, there was breakthrough. Twitter user Karla Hammers connected the dots at 3 am last night, or, rather, this morning, really.

"She discovered what was right in front of our faces: Spider-Man _is_ Peter Parker."

He paused for dramatic affect.

"It makes sense. Both Peter Parker and Spidey know Tony Stark and Princess Shuri. Both have a habit of calling Stark 'Mr. Stark,' Karla pointed out, and the video makes sense now.

On Instagram, Summer Patterson, beauty guru and friend of Karla's screenshotted the thread and posted it with the caption 'exposed'. It went viral, and is now in the top twenty viewed posts on the site. Still hasn't beaten the Kardashian baby or the egg yet, but it's on its way.

"Spidey himself hasn't made a comment, and Tony Stark and Princess Shuri have been silent as well.

"Do you believe it? Many are still skeptical, discrediting the theory by pointing out that Shuri admitted to dating both boys, saying this means they are separate people. I myself would not put it past the self-proclaimed 'Meme Princess' to trick us like that, but the theory of Spidey's identity is admittedly weak.

What are your thought on the matter? Give me a comment below! And don't forget to like and subscribe!"

The video cuts out.]

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh heh heh
> 
> whaddya think's gonna happen?
> 
> drop a comment!! 
> 
> oof also this chapter was kinda long huh
> 
> have a lovely day/night/eternity!!
> 
> don't forget to tie your shoelaces tomorrow or else legally he's allowed to get you.


	12. and... FIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6:43 pm  
> Yeeter Parker @peterparker  
> @realspidey uwu uwu
> 
> 6:44 pm  
> Spidey @realspidey  
> @peterparker uwu uwu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updating schedule? don't know her  
> we put out a million chapters at once like men

 

"You sure it's alright?"

"Yes, Peter, it's fine. This is actually pretty cool!" Shuri said from inside the suit, "And it smells like your shampoo, so that's a plus."

"Uh, thanks? Is that a compliment?" Peter laughed, setting the camera on a nearby bookshelf. The pair were in Peter's room at the Tower, preparing for Phase Two of their wonderful prank.

"I mean, it's good shampoo."

"I'm gonna start the video, are you ready?"

"Yeah, doofus. Do you have the recordings?"

"Yup. Let's get this show on the road."

 

\----------

_6:28 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

[video attached]

 

_[The video opens on a bedroom, where Spidey is sitting on a bed. The room is messy, with posters on all the walls and clothes strewn on the floor._

_"Hey guys!" Spider-Man says, waving enthusiastically. "It's come to my attention that there have been some rumors floating around about my identity. I'd like to set the record straight._

_"I am not Peter Parker._

_"this is Peter Parker."_

_Peter steps into frame from somewhere off-screen. He is smiling._

_"Hi!"_

_"Peter and I are close friends. But we are not the same person, obviously."_

_Peter giggles, "That would be cool. I'd probably fall on my face if I did what you do though."_

_"I fall on my face all the time dude."_

_Peter started laughing harder. Spidey turned back to the camera._

_"Anyways, now you know. Have a nice day, guys. I'll see you around."_

_The video cuts out.]_

_6:42 pm_

**Constance King** _@constance-king_

**_@realspidey @peterparker_** yoooooooo

 

_6:43 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspidey_** uwu uwu

 

_6:44 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@peterparker_** uwu uwu

 

\--------

 

**Messages**

_[6:58 pm]_ **Ned > Peter**

how?!?!?!?!?

 

_[6:58 pm]_ **Peter > Ned**

the princess of wakanda + a little movie magic

 

_[6:59 pm]_ **Ned > Peter **

how did you do it?!?!?

 

_[7:00 pm]_ **Peter > Ned**

it was shuri in the suit; we pre-recorded the spidey part of the conversation and put it in after

 

_[7:01]_ **Ned > Peter**

o h m y g o d

 

_[7:02 pm]_ **Peter > Ned **

i know right??

 

_[7:02 pm]_ **Ned > Peter**

flash is gonna lose his mind!!

 

_[7:03 pm]_ **Peter > Ned**

oh yeah. not looking forward to that

 

_[7:04 pm]_ **Ned > Peter**

what do you mean?

 

_[7:04 pm]_ **Ned > Peter**

he knows you know spiderman now! he won't mess with you anymore!!

 

_[7:05 pm}_ **Peter > Ned**

yeah i guess

 

\----------

 

_9:16 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@realspidey_** Bucky would like to know what kind of cookies he should make.

 

_9:17 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@steverogers_** chocolate chip of course!!

 

_9:17 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@peterparker_** what do you think

 

_9:18 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspidey @steverogers_** hmm i think sugar cookie sounds better

 

_9:19 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@peterparker @steverogers_** gasp! i've been betrayed! chocolate chip forever

 

_9:20 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspidey @steverogers_** no way!! sugar cookies are better!!

 

_9:20 pm_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@peterparker @realspidey @steverogers_** for fucks sake

 

_9:21 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@peterparker_** bitch!! sugar cookies suck ass!!! chocolate chip cookies are so much better!!!

 

_9:22 pm_

**Yeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspidey_** you're wrong!!!! when will you learn!! when will you LEArN!? that your actIONS hAVE CONSEQUENCES?!??

 

_9:23 pm_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@peterparker @realspidey_** I.... I don't understand.

 

_9:23 pm_

**God of Mischief** _@LokiOdinson_

**_@steverogers_** you wouldn't.

 

\---------

 

_9:31 pm_

**Shit Hits the Fan** _@tiItheendoftheline_

which side are u on: team spidey or team peter?

 

_9:31 pm_

**h e r o i c** _@just-call-me-hero_

**_@tiItheendoftheline_** are we talking just about cookie flavors or....

 

_9:31 pm_

**Shit Hits the Fan** _@tiItehendoftheline_

**_@just-call-me-hero_** ...or?

 

_9:32 pm_

**i'm gonna huff, i'm gonna puff** _@hufflepuff-for-the-win_

**_@tiItheendofthelin @just-call-me-hero_** i think what they're trying to say is are we going to pretend our teams are just about chocolate chip vs. sugar cookie or blatantly let it be known we're fighting about who shuri should marry

 

_9:33 pm_

**it's called ACTING, look it up!** _@ActingDenver_

**_@hufflepuff-for-the-win_** who needs formalities let's just ship it outright

 

_9:34 pm_

**it's called ACTING, look it up!** _@ActingDenver_

anyways i'm team spidey

 

_9:34 pm_

**ló´ø ps** _@loopyfluff_

team peter all the way!!!

 

_9:35 pm_

**bean bean bean** _@bittybeans_

team spidey!!

 

_9:36 pm_

**Adam!** _@adamwesley_

hey hey guys i made a survey: https://madisonch.typeform.com/to/ZKWgAI

go vote

 

\------

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh heh heh heh
> 
> whaddya think will happen next?? gimme a comment and let me know!!
> 
> (no seriously i read EVERY SInGLE comment) 
> 
> also that link is a real survey, go take it! in case it isn't working in the fic: https://madisonch.typeform.com/to/ZKWgAI
> 
> have a wonderful day idk when i'll drop another it might be tonight and it might be tomorrow who knows we'll se
> 
> enjoy their embrace!!! they sure enjoy yours!!!


	13. a conflict for the ages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> denny's and buzzfeed: a forbidden love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha sorry it's been a few days... i was busy for a hot minute but i'm back on my bullshit!!

_Monday, February 25th 10:03 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

i've been betrayed!!!!!

 

_10:03 am_

**Bessica** _@come-get-y'all-juice_

**_@realspidey_** oh no!!! what happened???  


_10:04 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@come-get-y'all-juice_** i'm losing!!!

 

_10:05 am_

**exCUSE ME** _@yeetyeetbaby_

**_@realspidey_** uhhhh,,, losing what?

 

_10:05 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@yeetyeetbaby_** i'm losing the survey!!! 72% voted for peter!! now shuri will marry him and not me!!!

 

_10:07 am_

**and then what** _@link-an-logz_

**_@realspidey_** oh no!!! #teamspidey all the way!!!

 

_10:08 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspidey_** it's what she deserves.

 

_10:09 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@peterparker_** meet me behind the denny's at three

 

_10:10 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspdiey_** you're on.

 

_10:10 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspidey_** wait which denny's

 

_10:11 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@peterparker_** the one on fiftieth.

 

_10:12 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterpaker_

**_@realspidey_** it's a date.

 

_10:14 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

wait not a date-date,,,

 

\------

 

_11:06 am_

**BuzzFeed News** _@BuzzFeedNews_

Are **_@peterparker_** and **_@realspidey_** going on a date? At Denny's, of all places?

 

_11:07 am_

**Denny's Official** _@dennysofficial_

**_@BuzzFeedNews_** what do you mean, "At Denny's of All Places"?

 

_11:08 am_

**BuzzFeed News** _@BuzzFeedNews_

**_@dennysofficial_** I think you know damn well what we mean.

 

_11:09 am_

**Denny's Official** _@dennysofficial_

 ** _@BuzzFeedNews_** Catch me outside (teh Denny's), how 'bout that?

 

_11:10 am_

**Karla** _@karlacranners_

uhhh what the fuck is happening

 

_11:11 am_

**BuzzFeedNews** _@BuzzFeedNews_

Where ever their date may be, the point is his: why be #teampeter or #teamspidey if we could be.... #teamspeter? Or perhaps,#teamspeturi ??

 

_11:11 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

o h m y g o d **_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_**

 

_11:12 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

i don't know if i should laugh or cry

 

_11:13 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspidey_** why not both?

 

_11:14 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@peterparker_** oh u rite, u rite

 

_11:14 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** do it u won't

 

_\-------_

_February 27th 3:16 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

do u think god is lonely

 

_3:17 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspidey_** yeah i kinda am.... :/ keep me company?? <3

 

_3:18 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@peterparker_** :x

 

 

**Messages**

_[4:43 am]_ **Tony > Peter**

i really hope you know what you're doing.

 

_[4:43 am]_ **Peter > Tony**

i don't! :)

 

_[4:44 am]_ **Tony > Peter**

sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh yeah so #speter and #speturi exist now.... what the fuck have i done....  
> (aw fuck, i con't believe you've done this..)
> 
> oh and this work is almost to 1,000 kudos?? and so is my field trip fic?? i'm?? crying?? i'm love you???
> 
> anyway gimme comments they gimme life!!!
> 
> feed your local goblin!!!


	14. something flashy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Messages  
> [5:31 pm] Peter > Flash  
> meet me at the denny's. tonight. at midnight.
> 
> [5:32 pm] Flash > Peter  
> what the hell parker????
> 
> [5:33 pm] Peter > Flash  
> just trust me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh heh heh

_February 28th 4:16 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

hey hey hey GUYS I THOUGHT OF A DIRTY JOKE  


_4:17 am_

**god can't hear u buddy** _@timthomas_

**_@peterparker_** let's hear it dude

 

_4:17 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

so u know how thor and dr. banner are a little gay for each other

 

_4:18 am_

**NO THANKS** _@hannahjakobs_

**_@peterparker_**....they are???

 

_4:18 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@hannajakobs_** oh totally

 

_4:19 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

anyway, i guess you could say dr.banner is the only one who can hold thor's hammer

 

_4:20 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@peterparker_** YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO SPEAK EVER AGAIN

 

_4:21 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@daddystark_** aww you're no fun mr.stark

 

\-------

 

**Messages**

_[5:08 pm]_ **??? > Peter**

u weren't in fifth period but i gotta talk to u

 

_[5:09 pm]_ **??? >** **Peter**

mj gave me ur number

 

_[5:09 pm]_ **Peter > ???**

sorry, who is this?

 

_[5:10 pm]_ **??? > Peter**

flash

 

_[5:10 pm]_ **Peter > Flash**

o,,,oh.

 

_[5:11 pm]_ **Flash > Peter**

i wanna know how u know spidey. like for real.

 

_[5:12 pm]_ **Flash > Peter**

i mean, i know you work for stark. i've accepted it. and that's good for u dude. but like,,,, spider-man?? tell me.

 

_[5:13 pm]_ **Peter > Flash**

it's complicated.

 

_[5:14 pm]_ **Flash > Peter**

explain.

 

_[5:15 pm]_ **Peter > Flash**

uhhh hold up a minute brb

 

**Messages**

_[5:15 pm]_ **Peter Parker Protection Squad**

**Peter:** should i tell flash i am spidey or is that a bad idea

**Ned:** bad idea

**MJ:** good idea

**Peter:** guys!!! agree!!! otherwise u can't tell me what to do!!!

**Dad?:** flash is that dickwad kid, right?

**Peter:** he's not a dick!!! he's just,,, it's complicated.

**Dad?:** how so

**Peter:** he's actually fine, he just gets insecure and takes it out on me.

**Dad?:** that's not okay kid

**MJ:** we agree there, stark

**Dad?:** finally, something you don't hate me for

**MJ:** i don't hate you for taking care of the spiderkid. and for this. so that makes two things.

**Ned:** more things than most people get.

**Peter:** no printer, just fax.

**Peter:** but back to the issue at hand!! should i let flash in on the secret!!!!

**Ned:** think about it logically: do the pros outweigh the cons or vice versa?

**Dad?:** yeah, you're literally a genius, kid. think.

**Peter:** okay okay

 

**Messages**

_[5:27 pm]_ **Peter Parker Protection Squad**

**Peter:** okay i though a bunch about it here's the list:

**Peter:** pros: he'll stop picking on me, maybe we can be friends

**Peter:** cons: he might try to out me to the public

**MJ:** he wouldn't dare. or i'll kick his fucking ass

**Peter:** you'd do that for me?

**Peter:** awww u do care!!!

**MJ:** if anything were to happen toy u, i'd kill everyone in this chat and then myself.

**MJ:** i'd die for you.

**Peter:** they all do.

**Dad?:** ?!?!?! KID?!?!

 

**Messages**

_[5:31 pm]_ **Peter > Flash**

meet me at the denny's. tonight. at midnight.

 

_[5:32 pm]_ **Flash > Peter**

what the hell parker????  


_[5:33 pm]_ **Peter > Flash**

just trust me

 

\------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> broke: flash is a dick   
> woke: flash is a complex kid who just wants to be friends with peter but doesn't know how and ultimately he achieves his goal by asking for forgiveness and working to form a healthy, working relationship with him
> 
> anyway,,,,
> 
> idk if i'm gonna jump over the denny's scene or write that bitch out. we'll see how i feel tomorrow.
> 
> comment and have a nice day!! happy march!!! 
> 
> don't forget to water your plants! i find the blood of slain enemies works best for healthy plant growth!


	15. hi welcome to denny's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi welcome to Denny's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had so much fun writing about the denny's. oh god, this is gonna shake y'all. prepare.

Flash is not afraid of anything, or so he'd tell you, but this place is pretty fucking creepy. The Denny's is like a Wal-Mart, but worse. It's dark out, and Flash is uncomfortable as he opens the door, entering a breakfast-y kind of hell.

Peter is not there.

Who _is_ there, though, is a homeless man slumped in a corner booth, nursing a paper bag, which, of course, definitely does _not_ house a half-downed bottle of vodka, and, _no_ , of _course_ he didn't buy it from the waitress in the parking lot before her shift, because _of course not, are you crazy? What a silly concept._

There's a deranged-looking business woman with syrup in her hair kneading the pile of pancakes unceremoniously building on her plate. Is.... is it... growing? The fuck?

There's two young hooligans necking it like teenagers in a booth by the wall ([is this allowed?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF1qQxPhybE)).

There's the oozing portal in the wall beside the all-gender restroom, faintly glowing purple and chanting old hymns under its breath, as there is in every Denny's.

And there's Spider-Man.

For the record, the sound Flash makes when Spider-Man looks up from his two-pound pile of waffles is most certainly _not_ a squeak, more like a manly scoff or mild surprise, a lion's roar perhaps, or the sound a kitten makes when it falls off the table. Because, what the fuck, why is this happening to him?

Also on the record-- Flash fully admits he's low-key in love with Spider-Man. I mean, who isn't? He's funny, he's brave, he's strong, he's amazing. What's not to love?

And, for the record of course, Flash is definitely gay-panicking, because he came here to meet Peter the kid he bullies, the kid he actually sort-of maybe perhaps has a minor, teensy-weensy lil crush on, and Peter is no where to be found, and _no of course that's not disappointing_ , and Peter may not be here but Spider-Man _is,_ and Flash isn't gonna let the chance to meet his hero in the flesh (in a sketchy Denny's in Queens, at 12:02 in the morning on a school night) go.

So he pulls up his big-boy pants, and waddles up to the vigilante, who is diligently shoveling waffles into his mask. The mask is still alt the way over his face, making this difficult-- he is holding it out from his skin with one hand, cramming waffles in with the other. Flash can hear some (admittedly gross) smacking sounds coming from within the red latex.

He drops into the booth.

"Hey." Spidey says, not looking up from his task.

"Hey-" He's cut off when Spidey holds up a hand. Flash stops, waiting for the vigilante to speak, but he doesn't. Just keeps on with the waffles.

"So, you-" The hand waves, insistent, and Flash huffs, but shuts up.

The waffles are almost gone.

Flash waits.

He didn't know Spider-Man was an asshole.

Learn something new everyday, amirite?

When the plate is clear, Spidey pushes it away easily. It slides right off the table and onto the floor, clattering in a heap of syrup and sadness.

Flash thinks it's broken, but when he goes to look, there's no plate on the floor.

No syrup stain, no fork. Not even a single shard or poorly-made commercial ceramic.

Fucking Denny's, man.

"So." Spider-Man says from across the booth, stretching back and putting his hands behind his head.

"So." Flash repeats back to him, folding his hands in his lap. He feels awkward.

"Uh, you're kinda my hero man. You swing around the city, protecting people and shit. And that's cool. So I was gonna ask you-- What are you doing in the Denny's a midnight?"

"Rude."

"Oh, I, uh, I didn't mean-"

"Why would you ask someone why they're in the Denny's, man? That's like the worst thing you could ask. Everyone's got something. See that guy over there? I helped him braid his wife's hair last year before she died. that woman--" The business woman was now face down in her sacred pancake pile, "-- She runs the entire shadow government from her laptop while she rides the Greyhound from city to city, forever. She sleeps in the Denny's, man. Let her be. Those kids?" He gestures at the two teenagers attached by the face in the corner, "Some wacko stapled their faces together. They have no choice. Let them live. See, man? The Denny's is sacred. Don't disrespect it like that. It has feelings, you know. We all do."

Flash is quiet a minute.

"I see." He says after a minute, eying Spidey. "Uh, right, so nice meeting you, but I was actually coming here to meet someone, so, I gotta--"

Spidey starts laughing.

"--go..."

He doesn't move, just stays rooted to his seat as he watches Spidey lose it.

Why did he ever think it was a good idea to come to the Denny's?

"Are you... alright?" He tries.

"He's fine." A waitress says, appearing by his side and slamming a plate of grey-looking pancakes on the table. He didn't order them. The plate cracks as it hits the table.

"Thank you, Ma'am."

She grunts and moves away as silently as she came, tentacles dragging behind her.

"I'll just be leaving," Flash goes again, picking up the plate of pancakes to take his leave. He doesn't like pancakes, but it feels rude to leave them. They look lonely.

Syrup drips off the side and onto his hand. He looks down. there is no syrup on the plate. He looks around. there is no syrup in the restaurant.

"Flash, wait," Spider-Man wheezes, hand shooting out to stop him. His latex glove lands on Flash's wrist, but he jerks away, sticky syrup following it.

Flash looks at him, and opens his mouth, shuts it, opens again-- "I never told you my name."

"You didn't have to, asshat. Sit down."

Flash finds himself sitting. He sets the plate down, and grabs the syrup off the table. He doesn't think it was there a minute ago, but it is now.

It's empty. Figures.

Spidey looks around, leaning back against the booth a second time, and puts a hand to his mask. He giggles a little, perhaps nervously, and then he takes it off.

Oh _shit._

 

\-----------

 

"So." Flash says, another way of entry, another door and they're outside, and the street lamps are bright and everything else is dark, and Flash's stomach hurts. Too much syrup. Not enough syrup.

When Peter'd taken the mask off, Flash had been silent, eating his pancakes and staring, and then Peter'd paid for them both, ($27.34 on a card belonging to Tony Stark, plus tax and Flash's firstborn, and Spidey's autograph, signed as Peter Parker) and still Flash was silent, and they'd sidled past the couple making out, staples stretching their skin grotesquely, past the woman with he laptop out now, balanced on the pile, and past the drunk man, who offered Flash a wave and a free blowjob, one of which he'd declined, and out into the stale air.

Flash could breathe outside the Denny's because he was only mortal, so he started talking.

"So." Peter said. When Flash looked over, the mask was back on.

"You're Spider-Man. This is the 'Stark Internship'?" A nod. "Or is your weird father-son thing the 'Stark Internship'?" Another nod. Both, then. "That's.... cool."

Peter snorts. "Yeah, you could say that." He glances at Flash, and the goggles widen, then thin into slits, scrutinizing him. Flash feels uncomfortable and warm in the slight breeze.

"I can tell you have questions. Shoot." Spidey says at length.

Flash lets out a nervous breath. "Yeah, I really fucking do, Parker. First of all, how _long?_ "

Peter giggles again, "How long what? How long is my dick or my time as Spdier-Man? Be specific."

Flash huffs again, and looks at his shoes. He wasn't wondering that before, but he might be _now_. "I meant, how long have you been Spidey? And how did it... happen?"

"Two years. And I got bit by a radioactive spider." Flash finds himself raising an eyebrow, and Peter goes on, "You remember freshman year when we went on that field trip to Oscorp? Flash nods, "Yeah, I guess one of their test subjects got loose. Dunno why they were even making radioactive spiders, but. Whatever."

"Weird. Who knows? Obviously Stark, " Peter hums in agreement, "Ned?" Another affirmative, "MJ?" Yes. "....Princess Shuri?"

If Flash knows Peter at all, he knows he's smirking under that mask of his. "Yeah, she knows. We're orchestrating this whole prank together. It's kinda a wing-it kind of plan though. Which brings me to my next question--" Peter stops walking, looking around him. They're far from the street lamps, and no one's around, so Peter shrugs a little and rolls his mask off. He's smiling. "Wanna help?"

Flash grins back at him.

Oh _boy_ , does he.

 

\---------

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh heh heh 
> 
> let me know what you think, pretty please??? i wanna know what you think of my Real Writing (TM), rather than the twitter formatting. 
> 
> oh and uhhhh i've decided i might as well go for it and do some stuff with flash/peter as well, cause i love that ship when it's handled well. so why tf not? i'm planning on doing some stuff with both ships, and leaving it so you could pay attention to whichever you prefer, or skip shipping all together and pay more attention to the shenanigans. idk if i explained that well, but point is, please stick with me!!!
> 
> have a lovely day and visit your local denny's!!!


	16. boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this bitch is hecka short i'm not sure ho wot go about what i'm trying to do but we'll see dsfjkmlg

 

_March 4th 2:09 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@flashthompson_** my boyfriend is the best uwu uwu

 

_2:10 am_

**kinky lil bastard** _@kdgjlkfdsfk;_

**_@peterparker_** uhhh exCUSE ME????

 

_2:10 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

whoops.

 

\--------

 

_6:16 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@peterparker_** i thought what we had was special :(

 

_6:17 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@shuriofwakand_** u can still be my side hoe??  


_6:17 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@peterparker_** i'm leaving u for a real man,,, like **_@realspidey_** ,,,, he strong,,, he sweet,,,, he can bench press a bus,,,,

 

_6:18 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** i don't think i can bench press a bus

 

_6:19 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** yes u can i believe in u bb

 

_6:19 am_

**DO DO DO DO DORA** _@doratheFUCKINGexplorer_

**_@realspidey_** how much CAN u bench

 

_6:20 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@doratheFUCKINGexplorer_** idk,,,, i mean, proportional strength of a spider,,, the average spider can lift 170 times its weight, and i weigh like 125lbs so like,, idk,,,,, 25000 pounds?? ish??? yikes

 

_6:21 am_

**Meme Pricness** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** so u could bench press me?? bitch??

 

_6:22 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@shuriofwakanda_** idk i guess so if you're into that kinda thing

 

_6:22 am_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** kinky.

 

_6:22 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

_**@shuriofwakanda**_ ****;)

 

_6:23 am_

**King T'Challa** _@kingt'challa_

**_@realspidey_** Spider-Man,

that is my sister.

Please don't.

Thank you,

T'Challa

 

_6:23 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** djslkfgml get naenaed

 

_6:24 am_

**tony stark could dunk my donuts** _@leonorajenson_

**_@peterparker_** hey sorry but let's go back to the BOYFRIEND THING UH EXCUSE ME BUT WHAT

 

_6:25 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

oh look i gotta catch the bus bye

 

_6;26 am_

**Meme Pricncess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@peterparker_** coward.

 

\-------

 

**Messages**

_[6:33 am]_ **Peter > Flash**

hey flash

_[6:34 am]_ **Flash > Peter**

what

_[6:34 am]_ **Peter > Flash**

did u see twitter this morning??

_[6:36 am]_ **Flash > Peter**

yeah.

_[6:37 am]_ **Peter > Flash**

is that all,,, okay? u really sure u wanna do this? u don't have to, u can back out it's totally fine

_[6:38 am]_ **Flash > Peter**

peter it's fine. don't worry so much.

_[6:39 am]_ **Flash > Peter**

i trust you.

 

\--------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get naenaed.
> 
> comments pls!!!!
> 
> uhhh i have nothing else to say so without further ado, our feature guest, returning for his 666 appearance on our show, here's mr. franklin delano roosevelt to sing us a little song!


	17. let's A-- Access our feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all the best talks happen at 4 am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh heh heh there's no shenanigans in this chapter, just some Feels

_March 8 4:38 am_

**Messages**

**Peter > Flash**

**Peter:** flash i'm bored entertain me

**Flash:** no

**Flash:** go to sleep

**Peter:** noooooo

**Flash:** why not.

**Peter:** i got some of them uhhhh Nightmares™

**Flash:** oh.

**Flash:** sorry dude

**Peter:**

**Peter:** anyways i'm boooored entertain meeeeee

**Flash:** how.

**Peter:** idk just do it

**Peter:** this is what it's like being my friend

**Peter:** you chose this life

**Flash:** we're... friends?

**Peter:** uhh yeah??

**Flash:** since... when?

**Peter:** since i said so

**Peter:** we're partners in crime now dude

**Peter:** Gamers™ who scan the American public together stay together

**Flash:** "Gamers"?

**Flash:** i'm 100% certain u, peter parker, have never once touched a video game in your life

**Flash:** except maybe like mario kart or some shit

**Peter:**

**Peter:** damn steal my spine like that

**Flash:** what does that even mean

**Flash:** you know what, i don't think i wanna know

**Peter:** ;)

**Flash:** sigh

**Peter:** entertaiinnnnnn meeeee

**Flash:** i repeat,

**Flash:** how.

**Peter:** i dunno, you're smart, figure it out

**Peter:** or suffer the consequences

**Flash: ?!?!**

**Flash:** peter u scare me sometimes

**Peter:** does that happen to be the reason you've been such a dick to me the past two years?

**Peter:** because i'd love to like,,, figure that one out

**Flash:**

**Flash:** no.

**Flash:** but uhhhh we should talk about that huh

**Peter:** hahaha maybe

**Flash:** look, peter

**Flash:** i'm gonna be honest with you

**Flash:** i think you're really cool

**Flash:** and like, i know we used to be cool and all

**Flash:** but all of a sudden i wasn't sure how to be friends with you

**Flash:** and uhhhh i needed some way to,,, get your attention, as bad as it is

**Flash:** so uhhh yeah

**Flash:** i know it's no excuse

**Flash:** and i know i hurt you

**Flash:** but i wanna work to make it better

**Flash:** because,

**Flash:** and i cannot stress this enough,

**Flash:** i actually kinda care about you, peter parker

**Flash:** uhhhhh yeah

**Flash:**

**Peter:**

**Flash:**

**Peter:**

**Flash:** oh god please say something i'm gonna throw up

**Peter:** uhhhHHHHHH please hold

_4:52 am_

**Messages**

**Peter > MJ  
Peter:** hey you're smart and all so uhhhhhh quick question

**Peter:** what the fuck am i supposed to do with this

_Peter sent one (1) screenshot!_

**Peter:** i'm gonna dIE

**MJ:** well now's the perfect opportunity

**MJ:** "flash i am love you"

**MJ:** just like that

**Peter:** mjjjjjjjj

**MJ:** peterrrrrrrr

**MJ:** you gotta tell him eventually

**Peter:** that i'm low-key in love with my high school bully-turned-friend (?)-and-partner-in-internet-crimes???? how about? no.

**MJ:** your loss, loser

**MJ:** now please get some sleep

**Peter:** no.

 

_5:01 am_

**Messages**

**Peter > Flash**

**Peter:** heya

**Peter:** i have,,,, returned

**Flash:** hi.

**Peter:** uhhhh apology tentatively accepted for teh time being

**Flash:** really?  
**Peter:** uhh maybe

**Peter:** i mean,,, you really hurt me dude

**Peter:** but also,,, i know you aren't,, bad,,, just having a tough time with,,, stuff??

**Flash:** oh thank god

**Peter:** :}

**Flash:** :}

**Flash:** also it's important to me that you know this ins't just because i found out u r spidey,,,

**Flash:** i wanna be friends with peter

**Flash:** if that means i'm pals with spidey as well, i'm not complaining

**Peter:** i know

**Peter:** :}

**Flash:** :}

**Peter:** hey uhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Peter:** ned, mj, and i were gonna go see a movie tomorrow night,,,, u wanna,,,, like,, be there also

**Flash:**

**Flash:** yes i would like to be there also

**Peter:** :} see u at 8 :}

**Flash:** :}

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uhhhh
> 
> yeah
> 
> comment pleaseeeeeeeeee?
> 
> have a nice day
> 
> EDIT: lemme make it clear: Shuri and Peter are just joking not really dating; Shuri may (?) have some feelings for Peter not sure yet but it's gonna be more Peter/Flash; and uhhhh yeah


	18. let's play pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for this i don't fucking know

_March 13th 8:16 pm_

**Hump Die** _@itswednesdaymydudes_

hey uh is it suspicious that ** _@realspidey @shuriofwakanda_** and **_@peterparker_** have been so quiet lately

_8:17 pm_

**poke** _@pokeevee57_

**_@itswednesdaymydudes_** u have a point...

 

_8:18 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@pokeevee57 @itswednesdaymydudes_** heard u talkin shit about me

 

_8:18 pm_

**poke** _@pokeevee57_

**_@realspidey_** n,,no sir

 

_8:19 pm_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@pokeevee57_** u mess with spidey u mess with me

 

_8:20 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@pokeevee57_** and me. and **_@flashthompson_**

 

_8:21 pm_

**Not Gonna Lie™** _@cartelage_

that's a lot of people.

 

_8:22 pm_

**bye binch** _@ChaoWrites_

**_@shuriofwakanda @realspidey @peterparker @flashthompson_** now that we have ur attention, i've got a burning question: what the fuck is going on.

 

_8:22 pm_

**Good Boi** _@OwOwHiMomRUProud_

**_@shuriofwakanda @realspidey @peterparker @flashthompson_** yeah i'd like to know uhhh whomst is dating whomst

 

_8:23 pm_

**let it scream** _@odetonyama_

yeah what's up with that

 

_8:24 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

uhhh hey let's talk about something else

 

_8:24 pm_

**Meme Princess** _@shuriofwakanda_

**_@realspidey_** subtle.

 

\------------

 

_March 14th 6:12pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@flashthompson_** [bae.jpg]

 

_6:13 pm_

**betty brant baybee** _@bettybrant02_

**_@peterparker @flashthompson_** OWO WHAT'S THIS?!?!?

 

_6:13 pm_

**abe lincoln just kidding it's abe brown** _@abebrown420_

**_@flashthompson @peterparker_** nice.

 

_6:14 pm_

**sallyyyyy** _@sallyavrilyeet_

**_@flashthompson @peterparker_** did y'all finally get over whatever shit was happening and get tf together? fina-fucking-lly

 

_6:15 pm_

**MJ** _@michelejones_

hmmmm

 

_6:16 pm_

**Ned** _@nedleeds_

**_@peterparker_** text me right now we have to talk

 

\----------

 

_6:17 pm_

**Messages**

**Ned > Peter**

**Ned:** dude

**Peter:** whats up

**Ned:** now that the decathlon team knows, and everyone else at school probably, you know you guys are gonna have to like... be together at school, right?

**Peter:**

**Ned:** didn't think of that, man?

**Ned:** dude

**Ned:** it's getting complicated

**Peter:** fuck

**Peter:** hold on i'll text flash

_6:22 pm_

**Messages**

**Peter > Flash**

**Peter:** hey uhhh so.

**Flash:** so

**Peter:** ned pointed out that now that the school knows.. or like.. thinks we're?? together??

**Flash:** yeah

**Flash:** what are we gonna do about that

**Peter:** idk

**Peter:** ...pretend??

**Flash:**

**Flash:** ok

**Peter:** u sure? u don't gotta say yes

**Peter:** if it's gonna be weird

**Flash:** no it's fine

**Peter:** okay.

 

\------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah.... so.... uhh.....
> 
> i have nothing to say for myself
> 
> EDIT: should I drop the next chapter tonight or tomorrow? it's all written up do u want it now or later y'all


	19. u r my daaad....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .....ur my dad! boogie woogie woogie!

_March 16th 9:19 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** you want pancakes or waffles for breakfast

 

_9:20 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** waffles, duh.

 

_9:20 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** duh.

 

_9:21 am_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@realspidey @daddystark_** please don't douse them in sugar this time

 

_9:22 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@steverogers_** but they're so much better that way!!!!

 

_9:23 am_

**Nat** _@blackwidow_

**_@realspidey_** false.

 

_9:23 am_

**Bucky** _@wintersoldier_

**_@realspidey_** spidey no

 

_9:24 am_

**Loki** _@LokiOdinson_

**_@realspidey_** if you put sugar on those waffles i'll go feral.

 

_9:25 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@LokiOdinson_** damn tell me how u /really/ feel

 

_9:25 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@blackwidow @wintersoldier @steverogers @LokiOdinson_** also, u can't tell me what to do!!!!

 

_9:26 am_

**Nat** _@blackwidow_

**_@realspidey_** maybe we can't, but he can **_@daddystark_**

 

_9:27 am_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@daddystark_** Tell him.

 

_9:27 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** spiderbabies get no extra sugar before noon. sorry, boss's orders

 

_9:27 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** who's boss?

 

_9:28 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** pepper.

 

_9:28 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_**...oh.... okay fine no extra sugar. but only cause mom's really scary

 

_9:29 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** "mom"?

 

_9:29 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** yeah

 

_9:30 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** why is she mom and i'm mr.stark?

 

_9:30 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** because you're mr.stark

 

_9:31 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** but,,,,,,, I Want To Be Dad.

 

_9:32 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** oh.

 

_9:33 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** yeah.

 

_9:33 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** i could call u dad. if u want. or not. if u. don't want.

 

_9:34 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** i'd like that.

 

_9:35 am_

**Nat** _@blackwidow_

**_@realspidey @daddystark_** finally

 

_9:35 am_

**Cap** _@steverogers_

**_@realspidey @daddystark_** This is nice and I am happy for both of you for finally taking this step.

 

_9:36 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@steverogers_** stop being so touchy-feely you jerk

 

_9:36 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@steverogers_** yeah cap!

 

_9:37 am_

**Coolest Avenger YOU KNOW IT"S TRUE BUCKY** _@the-real-falcon_

**_@daddystark @realspidey @steverogers_** like father, like son

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehe
> 
> comments!!! por favor!!!


	20. u know i had to do it to em

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we're out here doin it to em

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was fun to write!!!
> 
> also throwback (?) to my vld fic b/c i wrote the groupchat here similar to those vibes

 

_March 19th 8:41 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

hey guys so u know how capitalism is a curse and is responsible for countless problems in our society today?

 

_8:42 pm_

**nut butter** _@PeanutButterBanana_

**_@realspidey_** yeah, why?

 

_8:42 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

anyway due to personal reasons mcdonalds is making a bunch of happy meal toys of me

 

_8:43 pm_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

not like,, without my permission,, but it's pretty funky huh

 

_8:44 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@realspidey_** i already collected them all

 

_8:44 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@peterparker_** you would

 

_8:45 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@flashthompson_** what's that supposed to mean, sweetheart?

 

_8:46 pm_

**Flash** _@flashthompson_

**_@peterparker_** it means u are such a dork

 

_8:46 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@flashthompson_** understandable have a nice day

 

\--------

 

**Messages**

_[8:48 pm]_ **Decathalon Hoes**

**Betty:** okay spill it

**MJ:** hm

**Ned:** what?

**Betty:** @flash and @peter, spill it

**Peter;** spill what

**Betty:** the TEA

**Sally:** owo what's this?

**Abe:** sally did u just use the phrase"owo what's this" in the year of our lord 20biteen?

**Sally:** ya

**Abe:** blocked

**Sally:** wait unblock me

**Abe:** ...unblocked

**Sally:** bitch.

**Abe:** i hate u

**Sally:** u know i had to do it to em

**Saly:** anyway @peter what's this tea betty mentioned?

**Peter:** NOTHING

**Flash:** smooth.

**MJ:** peter your powers of evasion astound me to this day

**Ned:** a true hh holmes

**Sally:** a true whomst?

**Ned:** hh holmes?? that guy who ran a huge hotel where he lured and killed hundreds of women during the columbian world's fair???

**Abe:** ah, yes. that motherfucker.

**MJ:** sally i'm disappointed u should know this

**MJ:** this is decathlon

**Sally:** oh yeah

**Sally:** whoops

**Betty:** okay okay cool murder man blah blah blah FLASH AND PETER WHAT IS GOING ON

**Flash:**.. to what are you referring?

**Betty:** bitch don't play dumb

**Peter:** bold of u to assume i'm playing

**Flash:** ?

**Peter:** i'm just naturally this stupid. it's kinda my thing.

**Flash:** false.

**Peter:** ?

**Flash:** u really are NOT stupid but go off i guess.

**Peter:**

**Peter:** :)

 

**Messages**

_[8:59 pm]_ **Peter > MJ**

**Peter:** oh god oh fuck helpasjdnog;fd

**MJ:** loser.

 

**Messages**

_[9:00 pm]_ **Decathlon Hoes**

**Betty:** wtf is happening

**Betty:** flash? being nice to peter? online and in school and in the group chat? what alternate timeline is this? did i take cocaine?

**Abe:** this is the timeline god DIDN"t abandon

**Sally:** not to be rude but i think it's cute

**Abe:** u think what's cute?

**Sally:** their awkward lil pining friendship thing

**Flash:** pining?? wtf does "pining" mean??

**Sally:**

**Peter:** nobody tell him

**Peter:** for the love of god, please nobody tell him

**Sally:**

**Betty:**

**Abe:**

**Ned:**

**MJ:**

**MJ:** i'm gonna tell him.

**Peter:** NO PLEASE

**Peter:** i'll do anything

**MJ:** anything?

**Peter:** anything

**MJ:** then perish.

**Sally:** easfndgkhlf

**Betty:** god mj i aspire to be u

**Abe:** i wish i had bde anywhere near what u have

**Ned:** MJ you scare me.

**Sally:** mj is not the hero we need, but the hero we deserve

**Abe:** mj could beat shaggy with 1% of her power

**Flash:** oh god not the shaggy memes

**Flash:** i thought we agreed not to mention the cursed being in this chat

**Flash:** and uhh i still don't know what pining means??

**MJ:** i'll tell u later

**MJ:** u and i need to have a little chat anyways.

**Flash:** UH???

**Flash:** i am. Afraid.

**Peter:** mj please don't

**MJ:** hm.

**Betty:** again, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know i had to do it to em
> 
> gimme what u got!! comments!!! questions!!! concerns!!! dudas o preguntas!!! quiero saber tu pizca!!!!
> 
> fight your local grocery store. it was looking at you weird.


	21. detective squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the decathlon team are lgbt disasters u can't convince me otherwise  
> cindy: distinguished bi  
> sally: disaster lesbian  
> betty: distinguished demi  
> abe: functional bi  
> charles: distinguished gay  
> change my mind  
> also sorry cindy isn't in the drama squad :( but she didn't seem the type

_March 25th 3:28 pm_

**laura** _@laurafiles_

am i the only one stressing over spidey's love life?? like,, wtf is going on there bud

 

_3:29 pm_

**chinchill tf out** _@chinchillaman2000_

**_@laurafiles_** no!! it worries me!!! what's this guy up to!!!

 

_3:29 pm_

**S P A C E** _@gracelovesspace_

**_@laurafiles @chincillaman2000_** yeah, and uhh? Peter?? what is happening here?

 

_3:30 pm_

**shiny little man** _@silver_fables_

**_@gracelovesspace_** i think as it stands now.... peter is dating this flash kid? an spidey and peter are friends. and spidey is dating shuri, who's also... dating peter?

 

_3:31 pm_

**pointy mutherfucker** _@HappyUnicornCat_

**_@silver_fables_** are shuri, peter, and spidey a thruple? how does flash feel about this?

 

_3:31 pm_

**ding dong** _@dorktapus42_

**_@HappyUnicornCat @silver_fables_** i don't think we've seen any flash-shuri interaction, so who knows

 

_3:32 pm_

**Geology Is Cool** _@cool_rocks_

This Just In: Peter Parker Is A Hoe.

 

_3:33 pm_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

**_@cool_rocks_** It's true and you should say it.

 

_3:33 pm_

**loncc between worlds** _@legendofzelda6543_

oh god he's onto us abort abORT

 

\-------

 

**Messages**

_[4:31 pm]_ **Flash > Peter**

**Flash:** we gonna be all couple-y at deca practice?

 **Peter:** yeah, if that's cool

 **Flash:** it is.

 

\---------

 

**Messages**

_[4:52 pm]_ **Drama Hoes**

**Sally:** uhh wtf are they HOLDING HANDS?!?!

 **Abe:** what!

 **Charles:** pics or it didn't happen

 **Abe:** yeah where are the receipts

**_Sally_ ** _sent an image!_

**Abe:** oh my GOD

 **Charles:** that's so cute dgfnjkslas;

 **Sally:** yeah but like,,, since WHEN?

 **Sally:** HOW?

 **Sally:** WHERE?

 **Charles:** WHY?

 **Sally:** no we know why; they've both been pining like idiots for a while dumbass

 **Charles:** oh u rite u rite

 **Abe:** i'll grill flash about it later. u know, Bro Talk

 **Charles:** hm. you? bro talk? as if.

 **Abe:** binch--

 **Sally:** maybe mj knows something. she always knows things.

 **Abe:** oh fax

 **Betty:** guys! we're in practice! pay attention!

 **Betty:** abe you've missed like eight questions get off your phone!

 **Abe:** you'll never take me alive!!!

 

**Messages**

_[6:09 pm]_ **Sally > MJ**

**Sally:** heyyyyyy michelle

 **MJ:** call me mj

 **Sally:** right, sorry

 **Sally:** heyyyyyyy mj

 **MJ:** what.

 **Sally:** u know what's up with peter and flash??

 **MJ:** not yet. will keep u posted.

 **Sally:** gasp!

 **MJ:** ??

 **Sally:** mj? not knowing something?? i never thought i'd see the day!

 **MJ:** oh whatever.

 **Sally:** :P

 **MJ:** dork.

 **Sally:** that's like a term of endearment coming from you, so i'll take it.

 **MJ:** hm.

 

**Messages**

_[6:15 pm]_ **Drama Hoes**

**Sally:** mj doesn't know

 **Abe:** :(

 **Abe:** my sleuthing with flash was a dead end too

 **Abe:** he just freaked out and ran away

 **Abe:** i tried running after him but i'm not so speedy

 **Charles:** it's ok babe u tried

 **Abe:** thank u :x

 **Chalres:** :x

 **Sally:** desgustening

 **Betty:** *disgusting

 **Sally:** i spell how i want

 **Abe:** it's gay rights.

 **Sally:** *bi rights

 **Abe:** oh u rite u rite

 **Charles:** hoizer said gay rights

 **Betty:** mitzki said lonely rights

 **Abe:** donkey kong said trans rights

 **Sally:** the holy trinity

 **Betty:** go to sleep, all of u

 **Abe:** it's? six o'clock?

 **Betty:** i said sleep.

 **Sally:** moon's word is law so

 **Sally;** i'm outtie

 **Sally:** gotta go get that Rest™

 **Abe:** lame

 **Charles:** bye felicia

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one sip and i'm slorped
> 
> diagnose yourself with optimism. demons must do this before they can join the cause.  
> i'll also be needing a blood sample and your left shoe.
> 
> have a nice five minutes.


	22. greatest hits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 <3

 

_March 26th 3:26 am_

**Yeeter Parker** _@peterparker_

[video]

 

[The video opens on a dark screen with the words "Tony Stark's Greatest Hits" then cuts to a shot of Tony Stark in iron Man pajamas and an MIT hoodie, glaring at the screen angrily.

"What are you doing, kid?'

"Videoing you."

"Why?"

"For the internet. Duh."

Tony sighs. Peter continues, "Proof Tony Stark had a heart, right?"

Pepper pipes up from somewhere off screen, "He does have a heart, he just doesn't want anyone to know it. And, honestly, Pete," There's mischief in her voice, "You own it. His whole heart. Use it wisely."

Peter cracks up from behind the camera, and Tony _whines_.

The video cuts to another shot, of Tony on the couch, Pepper's head in his lap. He's grinning softly down at her, a hand drawing through her hair as the TV runs in the background. No one says anything, and the video changes after a minute.

Now it's a shot of Tony in his lab, tinkering on something as he shouts, "Brush your damn teeth, kid! No child of mine is getting fucking _cavities_!"

Peter giggles, "You did it again."

Tony looks up, confused. "Did what?"

"Called him your kid." Rhodey says from beside Peter, who moves the camera to show his amused face.

"Preposterous." Tony says, waving a hand as if the very notion were absurd, though he's red-faced as eh turns back to his work, "I did nothing of the sort."

"Mister Stark, I have it on video."

"you what?" His head snaps up, and he reaches for the camera, "Give me that, you little twerp--"

"Never!" From the way the camera shakes, it's obvious Peter is running now. Footsteps thunder behind him, Tony following him down the hall. Peter is giggling, and Rhodey only sighs.

The next clip is of the two in the lab, obviously not taken by Peter, who sits beside his mentor as the two work. He's got a head in his hands, leaning over slightly to see what the older man is doing.

"And then you just rewire this--" Tony is saying, gesturing at whatever the two are looking at, blocked from view by their close-pressed bodies, "--so that it goes through here--" Peter nods, "--and ta-da!"

Peter is still staring at the thing, before slowly asking, "... But Mister Stark, wouldn't it be more efficient if you just took this part out entirely and sent power straight to the main computer, like--" More fiddling. "--this?"

Tony is quiet for a time. Then-- "I hate you."

It changes again, to Tony and Colonel Rhodes outside in the sun. the video looks to be taken from in a tree, and leaves block the lower part of the pair from view. They are laying in the grass, Rhodey with his arms folded beneath his head and Tony with his arms splayed out to his sides, fisting handfuls of grass, which he then turns to methodically dumb on Rhodey's forehead.

"Tony, why." The colonel sighs, though it's more of a statement then a question.

"You don't have a lot of hair." Tony says, as if it is an explanation.

"Yeah, so?"

"...So I'm making you a wig."

Rhodey chuckles, "Out of grass?"

"Yeah. It's vegan."

The person taking the video dissolves into giggles above them, and the two look up. Tony gasps, "Hey! What did I tell you, punk? It's Rhodey and Tony time! Not Peter time! Get out of here!"

"Oh shi--" The video changes again.

It's the lab again, and through the windows you can see it's very late. Stark is hunched over a laptop, sniffling.

"...Mister Stark? What's wrong?"

Tony sniffles again, his head coming up off the keyboard to look at the kid. He looks tired.

"I built the biggest company in the world... I'm a genius... a billionaire.... I'm _Iron Man_.... so why can't I pass a reCAPTCHA?"

"Oh my god."

"Have I become more robot than man? Peter, have I--"

"Go to bed, Mister Stark."

There's another switch, this time to Peter dancing, and quite well, while tony glares.

"FRIDAY, cut the music." He orders.

"Yes Boss." The music stops.

"FRIDAY, put it back on." Peter says in retaliation.

"Yes, Young Boss." the music comes bak. Louder this time.

"'Young boss'?!" Tony sputters, "Since when is he ' _Young Boss_ '?"

"Since he became my favorite, sir." the robot replies. Peter giggles.

The video cuts out.]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments would be really appreciated right now!!!
> 
> also i received some lovely fanart that should be up in the next chapter!!! so yay for that!!!
> 
> have a wonderful day. make baz proud.


	23. u know i had to do it to em...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another!!!  
> it's short but i've put out two today so!!!

"Did you hear about Peter?"

"What?"

"Peter and Flash? They're like, dating or something."

"Oh my god, what?"

"Yeah, it's all over Twitter! It's trending!"

"Shit, really?"

"Dude, look!"

"This is weird." Peter whispered. He and Flash were sitting in the lunch room, huddled together on the bench and watching their classmates ogle and gossip. This was step two in the plan, a plan they'd spent an hour brainstorming in the library.

Step one: stir twitter up, but only a teensy bit

Step two: fuck with their classmates.

Step three: ???

....It wasn't finished. They'd kinda gotten distracted talking about the Avengers. Peter was surprised to find that Flash was actually cool-- he was funny as shit, he was a good listener, he laughed at Peter's stupid puns. It was.. nice. He wouldn't say they were friends, but they were close to it.

(Peter'd mentioned this to MJ, and she'd snorted, replying, "Yeah. Friends." all knowing-like, and Peter had turned red and stopped talking.)

"Yeah, they're all staring. But isn't that the point?"

"I mean... yeah, but still." Peter shrugged. Flash raised an eyebrow at him.

"What? Spidey doesn't like the people's attention?"

"Dude!" Peter threw a hand over Flash's mouth, looking around them wildly, "You can't just say that!"

Flash just laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"It's not funny!" Peter cried, hand still in place, "It's serious!"

"Serious my ass," Flash mumbled, fingers curling around Peter's wrist to pry his hand from his face. Peter could have resisted if he wanted, but he let Flash guide his hand away instead, watched as their fingers entwined. He looked up at Flash, who wasn't looking at him anymore.

"...People seemed to like it when we held hands at decathlon practice the other day," was all he offered.

Peter grinned.

This wasn't so bad.

\-----

March 27th 6:18 pm  
Meme Princess @shuri-of-wakanda  
has anyone seen spidey? he's not answering anyone's texts, and no one's heard from him all day.

9:19 pm  
Iron Dad @DaddyStark  
anyone know where my kid is?

9:34 pm  
Iron Dad @DaddyStark  
@realspidey kid, where are you?

9:35 pm  
Nat @balckwidow  
has anyone seen spider-man?

10:45 pm  
Cap @steverogers  
Hello Twitter, does anyone know where Spider-Man is?

12:16 am  
Iron Dad @daddystark  
where is my son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)
> 
> comments please?? whaddya think is happening with our dear boy?
> 
> eat my shoe. you aren't leaving the table until all your food i gone. your plate is not clear. eat the goddamn shoe! i work all day, do the laundry, clean the house, COOK YOUR FOOD and you won't even eat it? i cannot believe this! just wait till your father gets home! he'll make you eat that goddamn shoe!!
> 
> EDIT: Jesus Fuck guys. I tried to make like an ominous ending and all the comments say "Peter and flash are too busy kissing" like G U Y S I love u GUYS akdkgksnclcksncn


	24. identity haha u said titty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heheheheheh

 

_March 28th 1:09 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

oof ouch

 

_1:09 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

that shit. hurted.

 

_1:10_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** where are you?

 

_1:12 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspidey_** peter where are you?

 

\--------

 

_6:07 am_

**rumor has it i'm gay** _@sammydick_

w h a t is happening

 

_6:08 am_

**Thomas Sanders** _@thomassanders02_

where is spidey is he okay

 

_6:08 am_

**Thomas Sanders** @thomassanders02

annie r u okay

 

_6:09 am_

**Kill Me?** _@yikesmydude_

did anyone else notice stark called spidey peter or...? eyes emoji.

 

_6:09 am_

**Needy Little Bitch™** _@ari-dancing_

**_@yikesmydude_** OH SHIT

 

\------

 

_7:16 am_

**BuzzFeed News** _@BuzzFeedNews_

Did you hear? Spiderman may or may not be missing, and he may or may not be Peter Parker!

 

_7:16 am_

**BuzzFeed News** _@BuzzFeedNews_

**_@BuzzFeedNews_** Late last night, assorted Avengers tweeted out looking for the vigilante throughout the course of a few hours, and no one hear form the spider himself until early this morning, when he released a cryptic and worrying set of tweets, to which Tony Stark replied, "peter where are you?"

 

_7:17 am_

**BuzzFeed News** _@BuzzFeedNews_

**_@BuzzFeedNews_** Where is the Spiderman now? Is he okay?And more importantly perhaps, has he been pulling the wool over our eyes this whole time?

 

\------

 

_[10:46 am]_ **Drama Hoes**

**Sally:** peter isnt here today

**Sally:** do u think the rumors r tru

**Sally:** and if so, do u thing he's okay? i'm worried

**Abe:** i honestly don't know at this point

**Betty:** it would make sense...

**Betty:** the missing class, the bruises, knowing tony stark

**Betty:** and spidey did happen to be in DC when we were... Peter wasn't with us when spidey showed up...

**Sally:**

**Sally:** shit.

**Charles:** oh god

**Betty:** this is fucked up

**Betty:** where is he tho

**Charles:** someone should ask ned. or mj. or even flash

**Sally:** oh i'm freaking out

**Abe:** where u at

**Sally:** free period. i'm in the library

**Abe:** be there in five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *captain america voice* so. u got your identity revealed by ur dad. 
> 
> haha so anyway. comments would be lovely.
> 
> if y'all are interested in something good to read: READ SNOTGIRL HOLY SHIT IT'S SO GOOD OH MY GOD it's a comic by bryan lee o'malley ( the guy who did scott pilgrim!!!) and leslie hung and it's so fucking good fkgldhjfgd;
> 
> ya.
> 
> have a lovely day/week/year/life and see u in ur nightmares!!


	25. got u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)

_April 1st 4:20 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

pfft...PFFT... hey,,, hey guys guess what....

 

_4:21 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

**_@realspdey_** stop talking and go to sleep i'm still mad at you for what you did

 

_4:22 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@daddystark_** but daaaaaaad

 

_4:22 am_

**PATRICIA!** _@patriciagreggory89_

**_@realspidey_** ur okay!!!! wtf happened!!!!

 

_4:23 am_

**Siddddddney** _@sidneygiovani_

**_@realspidey_** ahhhh you're okay!!!! where'd you go?!?

 

_4:23 am_

**darling babes** _@monkeybarschamp_

**_@realspidey_** spidey!!!!!

 

_4:23 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

guys..... GUYS.... GUESS WHAT  


_4:24 am_

**Iron Dad** _@daddystark_

oh my god

 

_4:25 am_

**jeN** _@jenniboo311_

**_@realspidey_** what?!?

 

_4:25 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

....apRIL FOOLS'!

 

_4:26 am_

**never gonna give u up** _@rickdickpic_

**_@realspidey_**. fuck u

 

\--------

 

**Messages**

_[4:31 am]_ **Flash > Peter**

**Flash:** peter fucking parker

**Flash:** PETER FUCKING PARKER

**Peter:** yes it is me

**Flash:** you ASSHOLE

**Peter:**???

**Flash:** you ASSHOLE I WAS SO FUCKING WORRIED YOU FUCKING JERK

**Peter:** ....u were worried about me?

**Flash:** YES OF COURSE I WAS U ASSHOLE I FUCKING CARE ABOUT U

**Flash:** FUCK U

**Peter:** sorry for upsetting u flash :(

**Flash:** stop apologizing

**Peter:**??

**Flash:** u apologize for everything

**Flash:** u couldn't of just told me first? instead of... this???

**Peter:** oh whoops

**Peter:** next time i'll remember

**Flash:** NEXT TIME?!?!

 

\------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah got u


	26. and scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FINAL CHAPTER, BABES!!!

 

 

_April 4 3:18 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

now that the secret's out.... [it's wednesday my dude.vid]

 

_3:19 am_

**tree queen** _@treequeen_

i love it. thank u.

 

_3:20 am_

**REBECCA!** _@rebeccapeterson89_

who's gonna tell him...

 

_3:21 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@rebeccapeterson89_** tell me what??

 

_3:22 am_

**tony stark if u are reading this i love u** _@tonystarkhoeeee_

**_@rebeccapeterson89_** don't do it, hoe

 

_3:23 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

**_@rebeccapeterson89 @tonystarkhoeeee_ **

do what???? what is it????  


_3:24 am_

**REBECCA!** _@rebeccapeterson89_

**_@realspidey_** spidey... peter... baby.... it's thursday.

 

_3:25 am_

**Spidey** _@realspidey_

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo

 

\--------

 

Things had been surprisingly quiet, since the reveal. Not that Peter was complaining. He'd really laid into Dad after he'd let his name slip, but he wasn't really mad. It was an accident, and technically Peter maybe should have told his parental unit what he was planning before going completely off the grid. So, maybe it was a little his fault.

Pepper, after getting over the initial worry and the PR nightmare, was amused. Tony was acting like a total dad while Peter was away, apparently.

He'd hadn't really gone far-- camped out in a national park, actually, spent some time looking at the stars, contemplating... things.

He'd come to a few conclusions:

1) Life was too short to hold back, and therefore due to personal reasons, he'd be acting on his stupid crush on Flash. Or trying to. He wasn't really sure yet if it was requited. A boy could dream though.

2) He was gonna try to be more open with the people he loved. He was gonna talk to Tony about the nightmares, he was gonna sit down with Cap and tell him he still felt pissed about how the super soldier had treated his dad, he was gonna invite Flash and Ned and MJ to the Tower sometime fro family game night. Things were gonna be so good.

3) He was gonna quit drinking Red Bull. It wasn't good for him.

So imagine-- returning from a life-altering journey to find your prank gone wrong and your identity revealed, and your dad at his wit's end over your apparent disappearance.

But everything was okay. Pepper was an angel and had intimidated the press into leaving him be; Dad had calmed down; MJ called him loser again; Flash smiled at him; he was doing well in decathlon; things were so _good_.

Peter didn't know the last time he was so happy.

He liked this after all.

 

\-------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are. 
> 
> it's over. for now. 
> 
> this felt like a good place to stop this one; the secret's out, and i'd like to leave it on an optimistic note. 
> 
> that being said:  
> I'M considering turning this into a SERIES
> 
> would y'all like that? i'd probably do a oneshot of flash and peter getting together, maybe some more crack, etc etc. irondad galore, of course. there didn't end up being as much superfamily or shuri in this, so more of that. y'know, the works. ideas? lemme know!! (is that even something you'd be interested in???)
> 
> thank u all so much for your everlasting support and comments and love. i'm in lov with every single one of you ngjfdkmls;flngjld
> 
> see u later babes.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh shit i almost forgot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a wonderful piece of fanart made by [sofeaart](https://sofeaart.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!!! love u bb!!!!


	28. UPDATE!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hahaha just read it

yeah, so. i DID make this a series!!! just so u know!!! so if u are interested, go check it out!!!

 

that's it, that's all i had to say have a wonderful day OR ELSE


	29. more fan art!!!

 from the lovely commenter rizzy:

<https://www.instagram.com/p/B0oTElXBkXj/>

 

AMAZING!!!!!

 i A D O R E IT

 

 

 

****awesome, babe. thank you so much uwu** **

**Author's Note:**

> UHH people who comment will get their username used as twitter people in upcoming chapters!!! so give me feedback and i'll use your name!!!
> 
> wanna scream about spider-man with me? hmu on [tumblr](https://angryjane.tumblr.com/)
> 
> if you're interested in other spidey fics, i'm writing a [field trip fic!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17589053) and you should check it out!!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Mini Boss, Let Me Adopt You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18986008) by [AriaEmu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AriaEmu/pseuds/AriaEmu)




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